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Published by
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July 14, 2008
I was channel surfing the other day when I landed on an idiotic Reggaeton music video. It was your emblematic Stooge-a-Palooza reel.
The scene was typical: the “musicians” and their homies were wearing T-shirts that would be too large for Sasquatch, they sported baseball caps pull downed over their ears like some Fat Albert character. In addition, they all had the prerequisite teeth “grill” needed now to be in The Cult of the Absurd.
Along with the above, these hoodlums donned the Dennis Rodman multi-necklace starter kit, cubic zirconium earrings and, of course, tennis bracelets. Y’know, nothing screams, “I’m a bad ass” more than stud earrings and costume jewelry.
With all their bracelets and necklaces in place, the creative geniuses launched into waving their 96-oz. beer bottles in the air like they just don’t care as they rapped/“sang”/spoke their song (?) so fast they made an espresso’d-up Joe Pesci sound like a groggy Slingblade.
The thing that floored me was not the musical gruel these dasypygals peddled, but all the gorgeous girls that were a part of the helix-missing miscreants’ music video.
Yeah, dozens of beautiful teens and twenty-something girls were wearing Victoria Secret boy shorts and tiny tube tops as they writhed on the ground and upon the hoods of cars as these “artists” poured beer on them, slapped their butts and simulated sex acts with somebody’s daughter. Which left me thinking, “Where the heck are these girls’ parents?” In particular, where are their dads?
Father, if your daughter is doing extra work on soft porn music videos, or posting sex pics on mySpace.com, or bearing it all for a Girls Gone Wild DVD, or inflating their chests to ocean buoy size proportions to appeal to the most appalling, pusillanimous pigs on the planet, then you have clearly not done your job as a father.
Hey sperm donor—if you bring a little girl into this world, then it is your job to make certain she’s grounded. That’s right, Pappy . . . you are the principal player in keeping your young woman from being the next Anna Nicole Smith.
I’ve got two daughters. One is about to go to college, and the other just turned 15. When these little female charges popped out of their mommy’s belly several years ago, I felt this thing called “responsibility” hit me like a nun chuck regarding their upbringing.
I didn’t sluff off my role in their lives onto my wife, my church, government schools, day care, a nanny, other relatives, TV, Sesame Street, or “the village” to fill my boots. I, along with my lovely wife, got them here, and dammit, it’s our job—especially my job as Alpha male of the Giles castle—to set them up internally and externally for greatness.
Living in Miami I knew that I would have to pony up and be a major player in their lives if they were going to escape being part of the local teen fart cloud; I would have to instill principles in them in order to keep them from teenage wasteland. In other words, I’m going to have to be a dad in the traditional sense of the word. Isn’t that weird?
Having been pretty successful, heretofore, with the upbringing of my righteous and rowdy girls, here and now I will unveil my secret recipe for raising my zesty señoritas.
1. Teach Them How to Fight.
2. Teach Them How to Shoot Guns.
3. Teach Them How Sense BS.
4. Teach Them How to Rebel.
5. Teach Them How to Be Classy (That’s mostly my wife’s job.)
6. Teach Them to Despise Anti-Intellectualism.
7. Teach Them to Be Visionaries.
8. Teach Them How to Party.
9. Teach Them the Value of Hard Work.
10. Teach Them the Importance of Traditional Convictions.
Here’s numero uno on my to-do list for raising girls that pimps and thugs will hate:
1. Teach Them How to Fight. With etiquette having flown out the window a solid 20 years ago and our neighborhoods now seeing perverts and pedophiles a plenty, young and old men are now extremely embolden to be groping, brutish and offensive horn dogs.
Since I would never ever want my darlings to be at the mercy of one these palm pilots, I have made certain that my girls know how to severely disable a bad guy and, if need be, kill him. Not even out of their teens, both my daughters are Gracie Jui Jitsu assistant instructors and have extensive training with knives and guns, both in using and removing them from idiots who might have to die in order to learn something. That’s what I call, “Girl Power.”
To be continued . . .
Article Source: Townhall.com. About the author, Doug Giles: Doug’s award winning talk show and video blog can be seen and heard at www.ClashRadio.com.
Published by
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July 2, 2008
Keep Positive
If you are someone that is facing a divorce, you may be feeling very depressed or emotionally in distress. These feelings are very normal. You cannot predict what is going to happen when you get married. Some marriages work and others do not. It is important to understand that this is not the end of the world and things like this happen all the time.
You are not a bad person because you are getting a divorce. If you and your spouse cannot longer get along, there is no reason to live together in a situation that makes you unhappy. You need to worry about your future and the well being of yourself and your children if any. Sometimes a divorce can be avoided with the right consoling and other times, there is just no hope.
You have to keep positive when you are going through a divorce. You cannot let yourself be taken down by what is happening around you. If you are being accused of untruthful accusations, you have to keep strong so that you can defend your name and your reputation.
Do not give up. You have to be able to fight for what you think is right until the end. If you are determined to get something that is rightfully yours, you need to stand up for it. Getting what you want in a divorce is not always possible, but you do have to keep up a good fight for it. You have to make sure that you are doing this so that you can keep up your positive attitude about what it going on.
Keep yourself surrounded by others that are positive as well. Keeping your friends and family around you is important. You need to keep having fun and laughing when you can. This will keep you in a positive atmosphere and keep you ready for what is ahead.
Once the divorce is over and done with no matter what the outcome, you have to be ready to go on with your life. You need to be ready to get on with your future and to make your dreams come true. Your life is not over even if you think that it is. There are always second chances and you deserve to have one. Your time will come for love again and if it does not, you will know that you are better off without the other spouse. You can make it on your own and have a good life.
Your Children
Divorce is a very hard time for everyone to deal with. It can be very hard on a person emotionally and physically as well. This is especially true for children. They have to have the proper help during this difficult time. They need to know and understand that it is not their fault and that both parents still love them very much.
Parents are going to have to work hard at putting aside their anger and hard feelings toward each other. They have to sit down and make an arrangement that will be suitable to them and to the children. This is going too much easier and less painful than having to go into court and have them decide this for you.
You have to be able to pull together with your spouse and help the children. This is the only way to help them through this hard time. If one parent decides to go against their commitment to help their child the responsible way, you should still keep your values as a parent and help them the best that you can.
You should not keep the divorce a secret from the children. You need to tell them when you make your decision and what is going to happen. Try to give them at least a little bit of notice before the parent moves out so that the child can have the time to deal with it and ask questions. Reassure the child that both parents are still going to be there for them and that nothing has changed in that sense.
Do not put blame on anyone when you are talking to your children. Do not put down the other parent in any way. It is important that the children know that they still have two dependable and trustworthy parents to take care of them. Let them know that it was a mutual decision and that you both did your best to avoid this ending.
Make your child aware that they are not going to be able to get the both of you back together. Tell them that there is nothing that they can do to make the situation go away. Also make it clear to them where they are going to live and that they can see the other parent any time they want to. You can tell them that there may be some changes in that later on, but it is not going to affect their relationship. Give them the opportunity to ask you any questions that they may have for you both.
Giving the child the right information and not too much information is important. You do not want them to feel anxious or worry about anything that is not their concern. They have to feel comfortable with the news that you told them and give them some time to adjust to the idea.
Protect Yourself
If you think that you will be ending your marriage in the near future and you are uncertain what the future will hold for you, you may want to start taking the right precautions now. You have to make sure that you are protecting your financial security for later.
Reduce unnecessary expenses as soon as you can. Meet with your spouse and agree to cancel utilities and other bills. You will probably need to have money later on and this is a way to save money. Sell off your personal property that you do not need or want anymore. You can do this now to avoid losing it later on.
Cancel all of your jointly owned credit cards. You both should agree to cancel the cards and get separate ones. You need to cancel the cards because the spouse can charge up all kinds of different charge on the cards and you will get stuck paying them back. Canceling the cards now can save you money that you will need to have later on.
You may want to separate the jointly owned bank accounts. If you have bank accounts together, you may want to divide the money first. If not, your spouse may decide to go and take care of the money on their own and leave you with nothing. If you have outstanding bills for the home, explain this to the spouse so that the arrangements can be made to pay for them. If you do open up a different bank account, do it at another bank. Do not stay with the same company.
Stop contributing to combined accounts like 401K and pension plans. Telling your place of employment usually does this. Make the necessary arrangements so that your money is not being added to this account. You have to do this until you find out what will happen to those accounts and who will benefit from them.
Keep your job or try and find one. You have to make sure that you are protecting yourself and able to raise your family. If you are not getting any income from your spouse, you will have to do something to support your monthly needs. You may want to ask your ’soon to be ex’ if they can help you financially until the divorce proceedings are over. This is only recommended if you are ending the divorce in a good way. If you are fighting over everything and not getting along, you need to contact your attorney and have them ask for you.
Published by
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June 29, 2008
She’s smart, fun, and attractive. But she’s saddled with kids.
The single mother may be the center of her children’s orbit, but she is often a universe away from finding Mr. Right.
Such is the premise of a new television reality show — “Single Moms” — which will air this June on TLC.
“We found a show that we think reflects something that a lot of our audience is going through,” Brant Pinvidic, TLC’s senior vice president of programming told the New York Post this week. “There are a lot of single parents out there.”
The show is based on a popular Swedish show — “Ensam mamma soker” — which follows three women in search of love.
The U.S. network will choose bachelors from applications submitted online. In the Swedish version, the single mothers are introduced to bachelors through personal ads.
An estimated 10.4 million women are single mothers living with children younger than 18, up 3.4 million since 1970, according to the U.S. Census.
Of all the women who are custodial parents, about 44 percent are divorced or separated; 33 percent have never been married; 22 percent are married and 1 percent are widowed.
’Deck Is Stacked’
According to singleparents.com, “the deck is stacked against a single parent from the get go.” When balancing housework with childcare and visitation schedules, there is hardly time to think about dating.
A plethora of books and advice columns suggest how the single mother can juggle dating with children and prudent protocols to follow once the relationship gets serious. But this reality show touches a feminine nerve how to find the boyfriend in the first place.
“You can probably meet a man in a bar, but that’s not the kid of guy you are looking for,” said Jennifer Wolf, a Michigan parent coach and advisor on About.com.
Sadly, the greatest challenge facing single mothers is their own sense of guilt, according to Wolf, particularly when they are under society’s pressure to find a mate.
“Single women have so many responsibilities that are pressing, and they don’t let up at all,” said Wolf. “They have to carve out some time for themselves. Dating and having a social life is part of taking care of yourself.”
Wolf recommends single moms sit down and “really think through” the kind of man they envision becoming part of their family. “Then you are more likely not to make a decision in the moment that you would later regret. There is more clarity.”
The “million-dollar question,” according to Wolf, is how to find a man who shares the same values.
“Put yourself in a position where you are coming across the kind of men you are looking for,” said Wolf, suggesting church or community events or activities for singles.
“You open yourself up to a higher quality man,” she said. “Someone who is not afraid to take it slow and get to know your kids and make a commitment when the time comes.”
By taking time, single moms avoid the anxiety and “looking desperate,” Wolf said. Men also shy away from women who immediately ask, “What’s your job, or what can you do for me?”
Online Dating
Online dating is another way to get to know a person better before they meet, but that can bring its own dangers. FBI agents have warned that lonely, struggling women can be easy targets for pedophiles.
Last year, ABC News reported that 24 million Americans went online looking for love. One single mother who married after meeting on a dating site later discovered her husband was molesting her daughter.
One Web site Solomother.com recommends single mothers run a background check or run a potential boyfriend’s name against the database of sex offenders.
“Just because a guy makes your toes tingle, don’t forget your common sense,” advises Solomother.com. “If something about him makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on end, don’t make excuses. Just run like hell. You can apologize later if you have to.”
The stakes are higher for women than for men, because they usually have full-time custody of their children.
Only about 16 percent of single parents are men, according to the U.S. Census bureau about 3.2 million fathers, many of whom do not have primary custody and therefore more opportunities to date.
“The woman is thinking about protecting her children and what potential role the man will have with the children,” said Wolf. “This is not necessarily the top priority for a majority of men.”
Yeshiva University professor Louise Silverman, who teaches family therapy, said the difference between single mothers and single dads is often a financial one.
“Men are the dominant group in our culture,” she said. “They make more money and have more status and more power than women.”
“It’s much more prestigious for a woman to have a man than to go out alone,” said Silverstein. “It’s much more complicated because men can marry down with age and income and women cannot.”
Younger mothers are usually more motivated to get married again, she said. Younger divorced women “tend to marry as quickly as possible,” yet older women hold off longer.
‘Everyone Needs a Wife’
Divorced men remarry the quickest, “because every one needs a wife.”
Men also have the upper hand when it comes to meeting prospective wives. Numerous television shows from “The Andy Griffith Show” in the 1960s to “Full House” in the 1990s to today’s “Two and Half Men” portray single fathers sought out by eager girlfriends.
“Men who are single dads and good dads, in terms of not only providing for the children, but nurturing them in an emotionally connected way,” are attractive to would-be girlfriends, according to Silverstein.
Given the challenges women face in the dating scene, TLC’s new television show may have some vicarious appeal for single moms. But therapists don’t recommend volunteering for the casting call.
Reality shows, which rely on the drama of conflict and embarrassment, may be entertaining, but hard on their contestants’ personal lives.
“Take a show like ‘Moment of Truth’ where the point of the show is watching someone in trouble,” said parenting coach Wolf. “In the end, it ruins people’s lives.”
“You can’t control what is public when you are out there,” she said. “Not only are you vulnerable, but so are your kids.”
For more information, go to singleparents.about.com. Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures
Published by
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June 17, 2008
Nearly all single parents have to work to meet their financial needs. It is not possible for them to look after their preschool children while at work. Daycare assistance is expensive so they require some sort of arrangement which is affordable. A number of groups recognize this and offer their help by arranging inexpensive daycare support.
So if you are a single parent looking for daycare support groups, you need to know the means to find one. There are a number of programs depending on your monthly income. Support generated from public funds is for very low income groups. These public assistance grants however do not distribute cash; rather they help single parents by giving them access to programs such as the Head Start. This program works by providing day care services free or at affordable price. They also help parents of preschool children by giving the much needed advice to get appropriate daycare facility for their children. All single parents who are getting public support can also benefit from the Head Start and other public services meant for them. Your social worker may help you in this regard. There are other programs which are based on your requirements, for example there are mother specific assistance programs.
It may happen that your income exceeds the limits for public assistance and Head Start. This is particularly true for mothers who are on court ordered support. They need to explore other areas for their support. There are preschools attached with various churches that may offer their support to single parents. Some of these are run for extended hours and their selection criteria are also not very strict. They also relax their fees for church members. Another hope is given by some private schools which support single parents. They offer financial aid which is linked to your income. You are required to fill in a form and give your financial position and support it with documents such as tax returns. You will benefit from their services if you are eligible. So help is available not only from the public sector but also from private schools and churches and it is up to you to get maximum benefit from these programs.
The dilemma of single parents is that they have to work and arrange something for their children at home also. However they may not be able to cope with situation within their own resources. Although help is available in many forms, however they may not be eligible, for various reasons. Still in that case the situation is not hopeless. Many Day Care centers require help with office work such as keeping records and other clerical jobs. Single parents can get this job and work for extra hours. In return they can get some financial concessions. There are many answers to a problem, all you have to do is to think and get the most suitable solution. It is always difficult for single parents to bring up children singly. Trying to get some support to make your life a little easieris the need of the hour.
Published by
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June 17, 2008
There are countless books on how to get rich. We buy them for hope, but the best of them offer us a mindset. If you want to make money you have to think like someone who makes money.
One book that has really helped me change the way I think about money is Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. This book encourages you to explore what you learned from your parents about money. You learn what your “financial blueprint” is for success. This book taught me a system for saving money.
Eker’s system involves setting up a number of jars, and putting money into them each week. One jar is labeled “Financial Freedom.” That money is only for investments that will bring you passive income. There are other jars for “Long-Term Savings,” “Education,” and “Give Away.” The last jar is everyone’s favorite: the “Play” jar. That’s money you’re required to spend on yourself. You’re supposed to use it to treat yourself to something luxurious— a massage or an expensive dinner—something a rich person would buy. The idea is to set aside 10% of each paycheck in each jar. If that’s too much, you at least put in something—whatever you can afford on a regular basis. The important thing is the habit. I used this system, and it gave me the security of knowing that at least I had control of some of my money. If you would like to learn more about this system and get a copy of this life-changing book go to:
www.secretsofthemillionairemind.com/a/successfuldivorce.
I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction: whatever you pay attention to will expand. If you constantly complain about debts, they will grow. It’s like the bad day that always gets worse: you stub your toe, the dog throws up, the kids start fighting, and by the end of the day you’re lucky if a tractor-trailer hasn’t smashed into your house. Bad luck seems to create more bad luck. The key is to stop as soon as it starts happening, and change how you think and feel. So you stub your toe. It hurts, but you get over it. The dog throws up? Clean it up and move on. The kids fight, so you break it up and send them to school. Find and hold onto a positive attitude.
But, you say, you don’t live in my house Easier said than done.
True, but let me give you a trick that will usually get you out of a bad mood: Be grateful. Think of everything that you have and who you love. Feel the feelings of joy and love you get from having those people in your life. Be grateful for your pets, your house, your car, a sunny day, a rainy day, anything and everything It is amazing how good you will feel by doing this every day. More of those good feelings and thoughts will flow your way.
The same idea applies to money; the law of attraction can bring you great abundance. Each day visualize what you want. “See” that house you want, or the car, or whatever. Be in the moment and actually see yourself enjoying these things. Feel how good it feels. Make a “Dream” Board. Cut out pictures of the things you want and stick them on a corkboard or poster. Look at this daily. Before you know it you will begin to attract these things into your life. Believe me, it works.
Two terrific books about the law of attraction are Joe Vitale’s The Attractor Factor and Esther and Jerry Hicks’s Ask and It Is Given. An amazing movie you can order online called The Secret (http://www.thesecret.tv/home.html) also explains how the law of attraction works. Take this seriously; it will change your life. By bringing more to your life, you will enjoy life more and be less stressed.
These fundamentals will improve your life financially. Study wealth. There is so much great information out there. Read everything you can. Continue to learn. I am addicted to learning and I love to read. If you aren’t fond of reading, then listen to audios in your car, and watch informational DVDs. Open yourself to new ideas. You will see dramatic changes in your finances. Apply the principles you like, and disregard the rest. Continue this quest and in time you will have everything that you desire!
About the Author: Christina Rowe is the author of the new book Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know . Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce.For your free Secrets of Divorce newsletter go to http://www.divorcesurvivalskills.com Source: www.isnare.com Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=91006&ca=Womens+Interest
Published by
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June 16, 2008
There are so many challenges that come along with being a single parent, but one of the most difficult, is truly enjoying time with your children when there are so many other areas of chaos around you. Yet, while it is one of the most difficult, it is also one of the most important areas to focus on for you and your children.
Studies have shown that divorce is not a traumatic event for children to live through, but that the aftermath, what you do once the divorce has occurred, is truly what impacts our children most. And if your accomplishments lie on the fact that you are surviving each day and getting each child safely into bed at night, you may begin to pat your back…but just a little. It is a good start, but it only touches on the surface of what creates a well-adjusted child of divorce.
The real challenge is being able to table all of the other challenging areas for the moment, long enough to really engage with your children. It’s about learning to focus on this moment, as if it is truly the one moment you have. Focus on each detail around you as if it will never again be this way, as if it is the golden moment.
But how? As single parents, we are faced with new careers, bills we are unfamiliar with, challenges that seem overwhelming, household chores and even finding a new circle of friends, so how do you find time to just enjoy your children? First of all, take a deep breath and a quiet space to clear your mind.
Tips to truly appreciating the moment with your child:
- Announce that you are going to stop everything else (no laundry, cleaning, phones, computers, etc.)
- Ask your child what he/she would like to do that would be fun (If you have a time restraint, make reasonable, but fun suggestions: play cards, get ice cream, play a board game).
- Be honest. Explain that you have been overwhelmed with your stuff, but really want to put that aside for right now. And then do it. Put the rest of your life on hold. It will still be waiting for you when you are ready.
- Look at your children as if seeing them for the first time. Notice your child’s’ eyes, how his/her face has changed, how tall they have gotten in the past few months.
- Start with a hug, with the intention of creating a connection that has been overlooked. No matter how old we get, we could always use a hug. Embrace how they feel in your arms, as you try to recall the first day you ever held your child.
- Acknowledge how patient they have been while you have been under duress. Surely they have also been waiting for you to have time to spend with them, and have been under stress themselves.
Now you are ready to truly enjoy what has been missing. Unconditional love.
You may be surprised to see that while you are enjoying whatever moment you’ve created together, the stress of other areas in your life will settle comfortably into a side pocket. Keep it there as long as you can and hold onto how it feels to have it there. Acknowledge aloud to your child how much you appreciate them and how much you have missed being in the moment with them.
And finally, take another deep breathe before leaving the moment and remember that at anytime, your child will gladly have you back and your “stuff” will surely be willing to wait for you. Remember that while the other stuff will wait, though, each moment your child has without you, will be missed. They will be waiting for you as well, but they will have grown, their needs will be different and you will have missed whatever it is that occurred.
Enjoy the moment. It is the only one you’ve got.
About the Author: Lesley Geller is a Business Coach. She helps successful professionals exceed their expectations of growth. She works with small business owners, as well as individuals in large corporations looking to reach the next level. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland is certified as a Coach through the Coach Training Alliance, which is recognized by the International Coach Federation. She is also a Freelance Writer and co-author of: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. For more information about how to reach the potential you’re capable of, visit her website at http://www.LesleyGeller.com or e-mail her at Lesley@LesleyGeller.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lesley_Geller http://EzineArticles.com/?Single-Parenting-With-a-Smile&id=687964
Published by
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May 18, 2008
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Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys -
Who Do You Love?
You’re about to spend the most useful 5 minutes
you’ve ever spent on improving your future love life.
Read this…
There’s something I want you to do that I KNOW will
improve your natural ability to read into a man’s
behavior and his mind.
And learning to do this homework could mean the
difference between being
HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.
Whoa… that’s pretty intense - I’ll tone it
down for a sec and give you something to take your
mind to off some of the potential negative stuff that
you might be thinking about here…
Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where
Carrie went to Paris with her lover?
Carrie’s in Paris with her boyfriend and begins
to wonder if she made the right decision to move away
with this man who, deep down inside, she know’s doesn’t
want the same type of life and relationship she does.
As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”,
has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile
with his lost love after realizing his undying love
for Carrie.
And of course, as with all good TV, the two find
each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes
his love.
Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full
of great drama!
Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you
back up.
So what does the story of Carrie’s love life have to
do with YOUR love life?
More than you might think - but we’ll get to that.
That’s why this week I’m giving you a short homework
assignment - and this is what could be the most valuable
5 minutes you’ll ever spend on your love life:
I need you to think about one of the first things
I recognized about women way back in junior high -
it’s something I still see it today in our “grown-up”
dating world.
Why don’t women pick the right guys?
Or even more to the point - why do women pick all
the wrong guys?
If you’ve had your heart broken, been cheated on,
or find yourself giving everything you’ve got inside,
to get little or nothing in return, then you know what
I’m talking about.
****Right Now****
Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.
Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minute
or two each:
1. What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren’t
“available” that is attractive to women? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew
he was a “bad boy” - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make a
great companion but you’re not attracted to or share a
“connection” with?
Don’t cheat yourself…
Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5
minutes of time and think about just these questions…
(Trust me - it’s AMAZING what you can actually learn
about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes
of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It’s
maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)
I’ll give you some more time…
Ok, so you’ve thought about it. Let’s share our
thoughts and compare notes.
*As a quick inside reminder:
This exercise is all about actively improving
your ability to know what a good man looks like
for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now
and in the future.
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of
painful trouble it’s hard to get free of.
But for some reason, women don’t want the guys who
are probably better relationship and love companions.
I’m not going to give you ALL the answers right now,
but I’m going to lead you to finding the answers for
yourself - as it’s a much more effective way of learning.
So…. I’m gonna address the last question first
about “nice guys”.
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL
entitled “What’s Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here’s a little
quote from the article:
“…Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating
good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to
make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since
women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes
we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure
burning “I must have him!” feeling. That’s why we
sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object
of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist
Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys
series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the
deliciousness of pure lust to be ‘okay,’ it has to be
for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with
the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your
animal impulses, worry-free,” she says…
Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the
idea that women seek out “bad boys” because they
need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.
I disagree that there’s something “wrong” with
the fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”…
My friend also made the point that the “mainstream”
psychology and behavior world is starting to accept
the idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.
There’s something to the idea that woman don’t
feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys”
who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.
A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy”
doing nice things, but it doesn’t CREATE attraction
or a connection with the woman.
Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” all
the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard
to please a woman and get her interested.
But it’s like trying to chew bubble gum to solve
calculus problems… It’s hopeless.
And wouldn’t you know it - it works the same
way for “nice women”. Being a “nice girl” can’t
“convince” a guy to like you just because you do
sweet things…
It just doesn’t work like that.
I’ve had women be the “nice girl” with me in the
past. There’s two women I can remember from acting
overly nice and sweet to try and attract me.
Any attraction that was there started falling away.
THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincing
and being too “sweet” can kill attraction.
Why?
Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can’t
control and aren’t very aware of.
Being too “nice” sends a signal to the “deep”
part of the mind that tells you “this person isn’t
desirable and is lower status”.
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry
or weird to you, but it’s what happens with us humans.
People don’t value what they can have too easily,
whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around “nice guys”,
they end up unconsciously thinking, “This man isn’t
desirable, I shouldn’t date or pursue this guy”.
(Ok, there can be another reason, but I won’t
disuss it here but it has to do with people who
develop the “nice” persona due to what they feel
they personally lack, and thus “nice” people are
self-selecting and are actually and less confident
and less attractive.)
In the nice guys defense - they might actually
have something better to offer a woman in terms of
what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship,
passion), but the women aren’t able to see it - or
see it as something they want.
Why?
Women don’t develop a connection to the nice guy
and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for
attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the “bad boy”!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feel
that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.
Of course, I don’t believe that men have to be
jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel
attracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that’s
triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior,
cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior. You’ve seen it.
“Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicating
forms of drama - often perceived as playfulness,
sexuality and fun.
When I first talk to women about the bad boy
subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree.
Then I ask them about some of the relationships
they’ve had in the past.
And guess what?
Most women realize in the course of the conversation
that they’ve dated men they knew fit the “bad boy”
profile.
What makes me laugh is that the realization makes
them argue with me even more!
So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?
The answer to this question when I ask it to
women is almost UNIVERSAL.
“We had a great connection”.
Some women call it “chemistry”.
The magic of a connection with a man can be
extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo
all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving
things.
Women picking and staying with the wrong men is
the single biggest mistake I see women make. It’s the
most common reason why the thousands of women I hear
from can’t find the love and fulfillment they’re
looking for.
But there’s help…
I talk about these and other concepts in detail in
my eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”. You can get your
hands on a copy of Catch Him And Keep Him at my website
and be reading it in just a few minutes from now.
Plus, you can get it at what is at my risk-
Why don’t you try the book for a week so you can
decide if you want to keep it?
If you don’t like it, just let me know and I’ll refund
all your money immediately.
Honestly, I think you could learn more in a few hours
reading the book than most women might learn in their whole
LIVES about how to meet and attract men the right
men AND what the specific steps are to develop an amazing
relationship he won’t ever want to come to an end.
Go check it out:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
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Published by
admin on
May 18, 2008
ApplePatchDiet.com - Herbal Weight-Management.
1) Resolve to never supersize your food portions-unless you want to supersize your clothes.
2) Start eating a big breakfast. It helps you eat fewer total calories throughout the day.
3) Eating out? Halve it, and bag the rest. A typical restaurant entree has 1,000 to 2,000 calories, not even counting the bread, appetizer, beverage, and dessert.
4) When dining out, make it automatic: Order one dessert to share.
5) Eat the low-cal items on your plate first, then graduate. Start with salads, veggies, and broth soups. Eat meats and starches last, by the time you get to them, you’ll be full enough to be content with smaller portions of the high-calorie choices.
6) Instead of whole milk, switch to 1 percent. If you drink one 8-oz glass a day, you’ll lose 5 lb in a year. Juice has as many calories, ounce for ounce, as soda. Set a limit of one 8-oz glass of fruit juice a day.
7) Get calories from foods you chew, not beverages.
Slow Down! Eating at a slower pace allows your mind to register the food that is in your stomach, and can prevent overeating.
9) Keep a food journal. It really works wonders.
10) Follow the Chinese saying: “Eat until you are eight-tenths full.”
11) Use mustard instead of mayo.
12) Eat more soup, the noncreamy ones are filling but low-cal.
13) Cut back or cut out caloric drinks such as soda, sweet tea, lemonade, etc. People have lost weight by making just this one change. If you have a 20-oz bottle of Coca-Cola every day, switch to Diet Coke. You should lose 25 lb in a year.
14) Limit alcohol to weekends.
15) Have a V8 or tomato juice instead of a Diet Coke at 3 pm.
16) At a buffet? Eating a little of everything guarantees high calories. Decide on three or four things, only one of which is high in calories. Save that for last so there’s less chance of overeating.
17) Dance to music with your family in your home. One dietitian reported that when she asks her patients to do this, initially they just smile, but once they’ve done it, they say it is one of the easiest ways to involve the whole family in exercise.
18) Next time you’re feeling wiped out in late afternoon, forgo that cup of coffee and reach for a cup of yogurt instead. The combination of protein, carbohydrate, and fat in an 8-ounce serving of low-fat yogurt will give you a sense of fullness and well-being that coffee can’t match, as well as some vital nutrients.
19) If you haven’t eaten in 3 to 4 hours, your blood glucose levels are probably dropping, so eating a small amount of nutrient-rich food will give your brain and your body a boost.
20) Drink more water! Water will not only prevent your body from becoming dehydrated, it will also help your body to continue to work efficiently throughout the day. Any type of calorie free beverages (ex. diet soda) can be consumed throughout the day as well. We often think that we are ‘hungry’ when we are actually just ‘thirsty’ so drink a glass of water before you head for the fridge!
21) Eat more fruit. A person who gets enough fruit in his diet doesn’t have a raging sweet tooth.
22) Eat your sweets, just eat them smart! Carve out about 150 calories per day for your favorite sweet. That amounts to about an ounce of chocolate, half a modest slice of cake, or 1/2 cup of regular ice cream.
23) Eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The large majority of people who struggle with night eating are those who skip meals or don’t eat balanced meals during the day. This is a major setup for overeating at night.
24) If you’re eating at night due to emotions, you need to focus on getting in touch with what’s going on and taking care of yourself in a way that really works. Find a nonfood method of coping with your stress.
25) Brush your teeth right after dinner to remind you: No more food.
26) Eat without engaging in any other simultaneous activity. No reading, watching TV, or sitting at the computer.
27) Eating late at night won’t cause weight gain. It’s how many calories–not when you eat them–that counts.
28) Walk around the mall three times before you start shopping.
29) Make exercise a nonnegotiable priority.
30) Fat-free isn’t always your best bet. Research has found that none of the lycopene or alpha- or beta-carotene that fight cancer and heart disease is absorbed from salads with fat-free dressing. Only slightly more is absorbed with reduced-fat dressing; the most is absorbed with full-fat dressing. But remember, use your dressing in moderate amounts.
31) Skipping breakfast will leave you tired and craving naughty foods by midmorning.
32) If you’re famished by 4 p.m. and have no alternative but an office vending machine, reach for the nuts–The same goes if your only choices are what’s available in the hotel minibar.
33) Research suggests that you’re more likely to lose weight if you monitor what and how much you eat by writing it down.
34) Tune in to an audio book while you walk. It’ll keep you going longer and looking forward to the next walk–and the next chapter! Check your local library for a great selection. Look for a whodunit; you might walk so far you’ll need to take a cab home!
35) Think yoga’s too serene to burn calories? Think again. You can burn 250 to 350 calories during an hour-long class (that’s as much as you’d burn from an hour of walking)! Plus, you’ll improve muscle strength, flexibility, and endurance.
36) Overeating is not the result of exercise. Vigorous exercise won’t stimulate you to overeat. It’s just the opposite. Exercise at any level helps curb your appetite immediately following the workout.
37) Try 2 weeks without sweets. It’s amazing how your cravings vanish.
38) Use smaller plates or bowls during meal times to keep portion sizes in check and to avoid the temptation to “fill” the plate.
39) Watch out for “fat-free” products. With some products, the fat is often replaced with sugar, and it may contain just as many - if not more - calories! So it is always important to read food labels and exert calorie control!
40) Have fresh fruit instead of fruit juice.
41) Be careful of “empty calorie” beverages such as juice, soda, iced tea, and other “fruit” drinks. They provide you with a lot of calories, without a lot of good nutrition. They also fail to fill your stomach and satisfy your hunger.
42) Soups give you very good value for the calories. They are filling; a bowl of soup can be an entire meal. They are satisfying, for many people, they are more satisfying than raw vegetables, while many give you all the benefits of veggies (if you choose the soups chock full of vegetables).
43) On your next trip to the grocery store, load up on fruits and veggies and skip the candy and cookie aisles. Fool yourself by eating from dessert rather than dinner plates. Those two small steps added up to a huge but painless calorie reduction in a Pennsylvania State University study of 24 women.
44) Drinking water is a significant diet benefit, because the calorie-content of water is zero. Drinking water instead of milk, fruit juices or regular sodas helps to lower the calorie content of your diet and thus helps weight reduction.
45) An average 8 hours sleep burns about 450 calories, so your body NEEDS fuel at breakfast time. Not eating breakfast can cause your blood sugar levels to fall too low during the morning. A low blood sugar level may cause you to get a craving for high-calorie food. Also, going too long without food can cause your metabolism to slow down. Most surveys show that people who don’t eat breakfast are more likely to be overweight.
Published by
admin on
February 11, 2008
Everyone has been hurt so badly that they swear off from dating forever. However, it just doesn’t happen. Many women claim that they don’t want another relation after the divorce because it will effect the children. It’s okay to move on. In fact, many people expect their ex’s to move on and have sex, as well as, meaningful relationships.
The only thing that you need to be worried about when it comes to sexually relationships and divorce is that you should never get back with your ex. If this is a person who would hurt you so much and leave you, why would you ever go back just so they can get some. It’s not helping you with the divorce and it’s not helping the kids, if there are any. When you hook back up with an ex, it confuses people. Women think that they want to get back, and some times the sex is just sex. It doesn’t mean anything. If you start seeing your ex again, you will find that the children will be just as confused. They may have false hope of you two getting back together. This can be devastating to the children.
Next, when considering having sex again after a divorce you have to ask yourself why you want to. Do you just feel lonely, is it a hormone thing, or do you really care about them. If it is more than just loneliness or hormone and you truly care then you will be more inclined to talk about the sex before taking the leap. You want to make sure that this is not something that will cause you immediate hurt. Love has risks, but you want to make sure that you don’t turn your back and find out that everything was a lie. You don’t want to be taken advantage of. You need to make sure that you are not in the relationship to hide who you really are or to keep a safe distance from love. You do not want to be with someone who you don’t care about so you know that your heart doesn’t get broken.
Another thing to keep in mind is that every man is different. You should not think about how they will hurt you because that’s what the others did. If you make your present interest suffer because of what happened in past relationships you are condemning the relationship. It’s okay to trust again and to love again. There are risks, but that’s the thing about love. It’s worth the risks.
If you plan on engaging in sexual intercourse with another after a divorce, make sure that it is something that you want. Make sure that you can live with the decision and that you are responsible. Today, you need to take the proper precautions, not only with your feelings, but with your health. You need to make sure that you use protection from STD’S and pregnancy.
When you move onto another relationship, erase the slate. Don’t bring up your past a lot. Don’t compare your actions with them to how you were with others. If things are right they will work out. Don’t look at your life as a system. Love is one of the most mysterious feelings. It’s hard to describe it, and it’s hard to tell why things happen. You never know when you are going to fall in love and fall out of love. If you take things slow and let things take their own course, you will find that love will find you. You will be very happy.
Don’t let your divorce hold you back from having a good relationship.
Published by
admin on
February 10, 2008
Women dream of having a happy and fulfilled family life. But sometimes reality can really hurt, and the fairy tale world ends with a snap of a finger. And very soon, you’ll find yourself raising your kids alone without the help of your husband. Supporting a family with kids is tough, especially if you’re a single mom. And the best way to be able to give your kids a decent life is to finish college, and land a good job.
Being a single mother can be very hard. You would have to do everything yourself; work hard, attend to your kids needs, and attend college classes. Oftentimes, you will have difficulty in handling your finances. And attending college requires a certain sum of money. Here is where a college scholarship will come in handy.
Different universities offer college scholarships for single moms; all you have to do is to find the right university which could help you in that aspect. The internet is also a good source of universities and institutions which offer such scholarships. Finding these universities/institutions requires a bit of your time, but it’s quite worthy in the end.
Some single mothers will often think that it’s the end of the world, but it is not so; though you may have many problems, getting your way through college is still very much important. At least, after you graduate, you can look for a high-paying job.
Almost any scholarship grant has pre-set standards. If you can pass these standards, you will eventually get money for college free. You don’t need to pay back because it’s not considered as a debt. These grants are often paid for by the government and other private organizations. The money that you will receive can be used to pay for tuition fees and other university fees.
How will you start your search? Well, you can start by asking for information from your state department for college/higher education, local library, financial aid departments, and guidance counselors. You can also ask your employer (if you’re presently employed) and some of your friends.
You can choose from many deals, and beware of scams for there are a great many who want to victimize you. Check all possible scholarship deals that you may encounter, know the qualifications required like transcripts, recommendation letters, essays, and other important papers which can prove your eligibility.
Applying for a college scholarship is just like applying for a job. So make yourself presentable, and get all your important papers in proper order. There are times when you may have second thoughts about going back to college, but your future lies in your bare hands. Talk with family and friends who can provide you with your needed support as you go through this stage; ask for advice and finally, arrive at a decision.
If you think, you can pull it through to college, with a family and work to manage, don’t waste your chance. College scholarships are free, so why not just do it.
Some of the college scholarships for single mothers are Women’s Opportunity Award and the Raise the Nation Scholarship. Resources for college scholarships are not hard to find. Prepare for your kids’ future and look for scholarship which can support your college needs. The job that you’ve wanted to have is just within your arms reach.
