Doug Giles: Raising Girls That Pimps and Thugs will Hate - Part 1

I was channel surfing the other day when I landed on an idiotic Reggaeton music video. It was your emblematic Stooge-a-Palooza reel.

The scene was typical: the “musicians” and their homies were wearing T-shirts that would be too large for Sasquatch, they sported baseball caps pull downed over their ears like some Fat Albert character. In addition, they all had the prerequisite teeth “grill” needed now to be in The Cult of the Absurd.
Along with the above, these hoodlums donned the Dennis Rodman multi-necklace starter kit, cubic zirconium earrings and, of course, tennis bracelets. Y’know, nothing screams, “I’m a bad ass” more than stud earrings and costume jewelry.

With all their bracelets and necklaces in place, the creative geniuses launched into waving their 96-oz. beer bottles in the air like they just don’t care as they rapped/“sang”/spoke their song (?) so fast they made an espresso’d-up Joe Pesci sound like a groggy Slingblade.

The thing that floored me was not the musical gruel these dasypygals peddled, but all the gorgeous girls that were a part of the helix-missing miscreants’ music video.

Yeah, dozens of beautiful teens and twenty-something girls were wearing Victoria Secret boy shorts and tiny tube tops as they writhed on the ground and upon the hoods of cars as these “artists” poured beer on them, slapped their butts and simulated sex acts with somebody’s daughter. Which left me thinking, “Where the heck are these girls’ parents?” In particular, where are their dads?
Father, if your daughter is doing extra work on soft porn music videos, or posting sex pics on mySpace.com, or bearing it all for a Girls Gone Wild DVD, or inflating their chests to ocean buoy size proportions to appeal to the most appalling, pusillanimous pigs on the planet, then you have clearly not done your job as a father.

Hey sperm donor—if you bring a little girl into this world, then it is your job to make certain she’s grounded. That’s right, Pappy . . . you are the principal player in keeping your young woman from being the next Anna Nicole Smith.

I’ve got two daughters. One is about to go to college, and the other just turned 15. When these little female charges popped out of their mommy’s belly several years ago, I felt this thing called “responsibility” hit me like a nun chuck regarding their upbringing.

I didn’t sluff off my role in their lives onto my wife, my church, government schools, day care, a nanny, other relatives, TV, Sesame Street, or “the village” to fill my boots. I, along with my lovely wife, got them here, and dammit, it’s our job—especially my job as Alpha male of the Giles castle—to set them up internally and externally for greatness.

Living in Miami I knew that I would have to pony up and be a major player in their lives if they were going to escape being part of the local teen fart cloud; I would have to instill principles in them in order to keep them from teenage wasteland. In other words, I’m going to have to be a dad in the traditional sense of the word. Isn’t that weird?

Having been pretty successful, heretofore, with the upbringing of my righteous and rowdy girls, here and now I will unveil my secret recipe for raising my zesty señoritas.

         1. Teach Them How to Fight.
         2. Teach Them How to Shoot Guns.
         3. Teach Them How Sense BS.
         4. Teach Them How to Rebel.
         5. Teach Them How to Be Classy (That’s mostly my wife’s job.)
         6. Teach Them to Despise Anti-Intellectualism.
         7. Teach Them to Be Visionaries.
         8. Teach Them How to Party.
         9. Teach Them the Value of Hard Work.
       10. Teach Them the Importance of Traditional Convictions.

Here’s numero uno on my to-do list for raising girls that pimps and thugs will hate:

1. Teach Them How to Fight. With etiquette having flown out the window a solid 20 years ago and our neighborhoods now seeing perverts and pedophiles a plenty, young and old men are now extremely embolden to be groping, brutish and offensive horn dogs.

Since I would never ever want my darlings to be at the mercy of one these palm pilots, I have made certain that my girls know how to severely disable a bad guy and, if need be, kill him. Not even out of their teens, both my daughters are Gracie Jui Jitsu assistant instructors and have extensive training with knives and guns, both in using and removing them from idiots who might have to die in order to learn something. That’s what I call, “Girl Power.”

To be continued . . .

Article Source: Townhall.com. About the author, Doug Giles: Doug’s award winning talk show and video blog can be seen and heard at www.ClashRadio.com.

Single Parenting with a Smile

There are so many challenges that come along with being a single parent, but one of the most difficult, is truly enjoying time with your children when there are so many other areas of chaos around you. Yet, while it is one of the most difficult, it is also one of the most important areas to focus on for you and your children.

Studies have shown that divorce is not a traumatic event for children to live through, but that the aftermath, what you do once the divorce has occurred, is truly what impacts our children most. And if your accomplishments lie on the fact that you are surviving each day and getting each child safely into bed at night, you may begin to pat your back…but just a little. It is a good start, but it only touches on the surface of what creates a well-adjusted child of divorce.

The real challenge is being able to table all of the other challenging areas for the moment, long enough to really engage with your children. It’s about learning to focus on this moment, as if it is truly the one moment you have. Focus on each detail around you as if it will never again be this way, as if it is the golden moment.

But how? As single parents, we are faced with new careers, bills we are unfamiliar with, challenges that seem overwhelming, household chores and even finding a new circle of friends, so how do you find time to just enjoy your children? First of all, take a deep breath and a quiet space to clear your mind.

Tips to truly appreciating the moment with your child:

• Announce that you are going to stop everything else (no laundry, cleaning, phones, computers, etc.)
• Ask your child what he/she would like to do that would be fun (If you have a time restraint, make reasonable, but fun suggestions: play cards, get ice cream, play a board game).
• Be honest. Explain that you have been overwhelmed with your stuff, but really want to put that aside for right now. And then do it. Put the rest of your life on hold. It will still be waiting for you when you are ready.
• Look at your children as if seeing them for the first time. Notice your child’s’ eyes, how his/her face has changed, how tall they have gotten in the past few months.
• Start with a hug, with the intention of creating a connection that has been overlooked. No matter how old we get, we could always use a hug. Embrace how they feel in your arms, as you try to recall the first day you ever held your child.
• Acknowledge how patient they have been while you have been under duress. Surely they have also been waiting for you to have time to spend with them, and have been under stress themselves.

Now you are ready to truly enjoy what has been missing. Unconditional love.

You may be surprised to see that while you are enjoying whatever moment you’ve created together, the stress of other areas in your life will settle comfortably into a side pocket. Keep it there as long as you can and hold onto how it feels to have it there. Acknowledge aloud to your child how much you appreciate them and how much you have missed being in the moment with them.

And finally, take another deep breathe before leaving the moment and remember that at anytime, your child will gladly have you back and your “stuff” will surely be willing to wait for you. Remember that while the other stuff will wait, though, each moment your child has without you, will be missed. They will be waiting for you as well, but they will have grown, their needs will be different and you will have missed whatever it is that occurred.

Enjoy the moment. It is the only one you’ve got.

About the Author: Lesley Geller is a Business Coach. She helps successful professionals exceed their expectations of growth. She works with small business owners, as well as individuals in large corporations looking to reach the next level. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland is certified as a Coach through the Coach Training Alliance, which is recognized by the International Coach Federation. She is also a Freelance Writer and co-author of: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. For more information about how to reach the potential you’re capable of, visit her website at http://www.LesleyGeller.com or e-mail her at Lesley@LesleyGeller.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lesley_Geller http://EzineArticles.com/?Single-Parenting-With-a-Smile&id=687964

You Make Me Sick And Other Things Parents Say in Anger

Maryann is so focused she’s blind. She’s slipped over the edge of responsibility and forgot the real reason she is working so hard. It’s for her daughter.

Being a single parent isn’t easy. Between working, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and homework, there isn’t much time left in the day. It’s a heavy burden to be the sole supporter of a young child. But when pressures and tensions are so great that harmful words spill out like bitter pills, isn’t it time to stop and take inventory?

“Clean your room or I’m gonna kill you!” “If you don’t do your homework right now, I’ll break your neck!” “Just leave me alone, I’ve had a rough day.”

These statements came from a woman who loves her daughter and she’s working hard to provide for her. If you asked Maryann, she’d say she would do anything in the world for her child. But why can’t she see that respectful communication conveys love more than a new pair of shoes ever will? And why does she have to be reminded to treat her child with respect?

Maryann isn’t alone. Life is frustrating. We’ve all heard parents, married, single or otherwise, speak to their children in anger. As adults, we’ve all rolled our eyes at the dramatic threats, knowing full well they have no intention of being carried out. But does a child know these are simply dumb words spoken in frustration? Does a child know that the violent threats of bodily harm are hollow?

Whether over the top displays of drama are blurted in anger, or merely used to snap a child to attention, the results are unhealthy and damaging.

When little Billy tells a classmate he is going to kill him over a broken crayon, where do you think he learned that response from? And in today’s climate, do you think anyone would consider it just an innocent statement from an innocent child? Billy would be sent to the principal’s office on the spot. And if not, he would certainty be called down after the victim of his harsh words went home and told his parents and they reported it to the school.

What happens when your child gets a little older and has a real problem? What if he needs to talk about drugs or alcohol? Or she has a problem in school, or a question about boys? Repeatedly belittling your child with angry words and intimidation will break down the barriers of communication long before you even reach this point. If you threaten to “kill” your child over a messy room, what would you do if she told you she was having sex?

Anger has a way of creating very colorful and exaggerated statements. Parents and caregivers need to make a concerted effort to remove these damaging phrases from their vocabulary by controlling anger. Save the drama for a time when it is really needed. On occasion, shocking statements do have a place in parenting, but used on a daily basis, they will only sever to create fear or simply numb your child to your words.

Search your vocabulary; are you unintentionally damaging the relationship you have with your child? Here are some steps to help you take control when you feel frustration and anger rise.

Take a deep breath, not from your chest, but pulling from your diaphragm. Slowly exhale. As you do this, picture your words evaporate into the air.

Lift your hand, palm out, in a stopping motion. This will indicate to your child that you need a moment and serve to remind you that you are stopping yourself from anger.

Calmly tell yourself to relax as you continue to breathe deeply.

Wait until you feel in control. When you speak, intentionally bring your voice down, not to a whisper, but to a soft, paced level.

Then logically explain the reason for your anger to your child, voiding threats and harsh criticism.

It’s okay to say you are disappointed or upset about a messy room or a bad grade, but focus on the problem and offer a solution or deliver a fair ultimatum.

If punishment is necessary, make it realistic. I don’t know of a single parent that took away television privileges from their child for the rest of their life.

Follow through on your words.

If you do get angry, offer your child an apology, not an excuse. Take blame for your actions.

Closely examine the situation that triggered your anger. Was it really your child? Is there an underlying factor? If so, what can you do to correct the situation or avoid it in the future?

Anger is a natural emotion. It can’t be completely controlled or removed from our lives, but you can change the way you handle things. In doing so, you gain an invaluable gift, a respectful relationship with your child. Healthy communication is a parent’s weapon against the outside world. A child should turn to his parent in times of trouble, not run away in fear.

About The Author: Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis are the authors of MILTON’S DILEMMA, the tale of a lonely boy’s magical journey to friendship and self-acceptance. As advocates for literacy and children’s rights, the authors speak at schools and community events to foster awareness and provide children with a safe and healthy learning environment. For more information, please visit Joyful Productions at http://www.joyfulproductions.com  pgatto@ptd.net

Single Parents: Give Yourselves Credit

Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.

I became acutely aware of this fact when my children were young and I was dealing with the challenges of being a single mom. An “expert” told me that the increase in the number of dysfunctional families was directly related to the increasing number of single-parent families. The statistics proved it.

I was taken aback. I had never related dysfunction to the number of adults in a family. In fact, I was aware of many families that functioned better when one of the parents was no longer present.

His comment did make me stop and think, however. Were single parents really the cause of many of society’s ills? Or was that a misconception? I felt that I needed to answer that question - not for society as a whole, but for my family.

To begin, I took a long, hard look at myself. Was I still a good parent? Were we functioning in a healthy, balanced way? Or were my children suffering from the “unnatural” situation of living with only one parent?

As I tried to see it all objectively, some things became clear to me.

First, I realized that I was not perfect. It was important for me to be able to acknowledge that, because there had been a time when I could not allow myself to fall short in anything I did. I had felt the need to be everything to everyone - the perfect mother, good housekeeper, reliable employee, involved citizen. I had felt like a failure because I could not possibly live up to my image of what I was supposed to be.

Then slowly, I had come to realize that it was okay to be less than perfect. I relaxed. I learned to set priorities and to let other things go. That set me free to devote more energy to the things most important to me, including my relationships with my children.

The second thing I realized was that I was a better parent than I had been before. Oh, I still made lots of mistakes. The challenges of single parenting are overwhelming. But it is easy to get so bogged down in the problems that we forget to notice our successes.

In fact, our family was much closer and stronger than it had been before. One of the greatest differences was that we talked to each other more than we had in the past. Part of this was due to he ages of my children (they were 10 and 12 at the time), but in many ways, our closer relationship came out of necessity.

When we were suddenly 3 instead of 4, it was clear that we had to communicate more in order to function. Our financial situation had changed and although the burden was mine, it required an adjustment in my children’s expectations as well. At home we all needed to pitch in to keep things running smoothly, and that had to be coordinated. Emotionally, we had all gone through some major changes and my main concern had been that my children not develop negative feelings about themselves or the adults in their lives.

All of this required many hours of talking as a family and also one-on-one. We developed the habit of sitting down to discuss things whenever a problem arose or a decision needed to be made. We had family meetings regularly and they provided a practical way to take care of family business, such as deciding upon house rules, chore assignments or how to spend some fun time together. In the process, we learned how to work together as a team and to stay in touch with each other’s feeling.

So were my children harmed by growing up in a single parent household? It is really a mixed bag.

Yes, they missed out on the experience of having both parents at home, for which I still carry some sadness. At the same time, they became thoughtful, caring, responsible people, who were sensitive to the needs of others and accepted responsibility with grace and good humor. Most important, they lived every day in a home that was filled with love and laughter - and that is worth a great deal.

Thinking about our experiences and what I have observed in other families, I have come to some conclusions. I would like to share these with other parents who are facing similar challenges.

1. Families can function in a balanced, healthy way, regardless of the number of adults who happen to live in the home. The key is not how many people live under the same roof - or their ages - but the ways in which they relate to each other. Communication and mutual respect are major factors.

2. Every person in a family has intrinsic value and his or her ideas need to be considered regardless of age. Children and teenagers usually have good ideas and want to have responsibilities long before many parents realize. If we recognize and accept their contributions, we will be enriched and at the same time, we will help them to become more responsible, caring people who feel good about themselves and their world.

3. As parents, we don’t need to be perfect. We know what the “ideal” mother is like - cheerful, patient, with lots of time to give lovingly to her children in a neat orderly home, where she prepares delicious, well-balanced meals and keeps everything running smoothly at all times.

In fact, it is not possible to be that ideal parent and home-maker while also carrying the full-time responsibility of earning a living, yet many single parents build expectations of themselves around that image. This often causes a lot of guilt and frustration for people who are doing the best they can to raise their children in today’s society.

It’s okay to make mistakes, to be inconsistent once in a while, to leave dirty dishes in the sink - in other words, to be human. The most important part of the job of parenting is the relationships with our children. Let the rest fall where it may.

4. It is never too late to change the ways in which we relate to one another. We have all made mistakes along the way, but we parents are learning and growing just as our children are. Sometimes the best thing that can happen in family is to admit to one-another that what we have been doing isn’t working, and to agree to work together to find a better way.

The important things are:

- to be real with each, other,
- to respect each other’s feelings,
- to say “I’m sorry” when it’s needed - and mean it,
- to ask one-another for help and to give it in return,
- to work together to help each other to grow.

None of these things can happen if we are angry, frustrated or resentful.

The only way to create good, positive relationships is to relate to each other from our hearts, bringing the energy of love into every conversation - no matter how frustrating our day has been.

So how do we do that? It’s tough out there, and by the time we get home, we’re tired, frustrated - sometimes angry.

That’s the very reason we HAVE to do it - because our children deserve better from us than what’s left over at the end of a work day.

It doesn’t take long to shift our energy. We can do it in the car on the way home. The important thing is what we focus on.

If I think about all the things that went wrong at work today, I will walk through that door in a really bad mood, and my children will pay a high price.

If, on the way home, I think about something my child did that upset me, I will re-create the energy of my anger or disappointment, and that is how I will greet my child when I get home.

If I decide, however, to take responsibility for the emotional energy in our home, I will focus on things about my children that please me - things I appreciate. Then when I walk through that door, I will bring the energy of love and respect, and that will create an environment in which my children will respond to me and to each other in the same way.

So, what kind of parent do you choose to be? It IS a choice, you know. We make it every day - many times a day.

We can be the kind of parents who confirm the statistics - or we can defy them.

If we live from our hearts - if we allow love to guide us and if we learn to trust our own inner wisdom - we can raise our children to be loving, responsible, emotionally balanced adults. In the process, we will be blessed many times over.

Pat Downing has many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. She is co-author of the e-Book, “Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child.” For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to feelgoodparenting.com  to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.

Words of Wisdom for Single Parents

The cost of being a parent and raising a child in todays world is constantly increasing. The risk of your child becoming involved in problem behaviour is also greater. Parents must work together as a team to ensure the brightest future for their children. But what if there is no team. No other person to rely upon. This is what millions of single parents deal with everyday. But it is not only the parent who sees this as a gloomy situation. Children are quite often left thinking that they are the reason for a separation or divorce. It is the child who must attend father and son day at school without a dad. They have to grow up with all the stigma attached to coming from a “broken home”. These are just a few of the many potential problems that a single parents household are faced with. This article is aimed at providing single parents with some strategies for raising a good child despite what other people may say.

Concentrate on the positives
Although it may be impossible to see at first, there are some positives for single parents. The main one being less fighting, bickering and tension around the house. This will benefit your child in the long run as it becomes a more child friendly environment. Try to see your situation as a new found freedom and feeling of independence.

Develop a new relationship with your child
A child must obviously be comforted at such a time, but also made to see that you are the boss. Do not let your child think that because there is now only one parent around, they can do whatever they please. Children need rules and routine, regardless of how many parents are around.

Ask for help if you need it
Suddenly single parents will probably find that their workload doubles or triples at first. If your children are old enough, be sure to set them some chores around the house each day to take the pressure off yourself a little. Speak to other parents as much as you can. You will be surprised how often they will be happy to help out. It may just be taking your child to the movies or to a sports game on a Saturday morning, but every little bit helps. Above all, don’t feel as though you have to do absolutely everything on your own.

Do not use your children for emotional support
Children need to have fun, play with their friends and enjoy their youth. Do not become overly possessive of your child or look to them for emotional support. This quite often leads to the child feeling as overwhelmed as you are. Although you may not be ready for another romantic relationship, try to talk to other adults about your emotions.

Kids react best to routine
In order to create a stable household envirnonment with children, their must be rules and routine. Simple things like having dinner at the same time each night, bed time, homework time etc… If you can provide a schedule for them, they will feel a sense of security. Of course, the correct dosage of attention and affection will also provide and sustain a nuturing environment, but a combination of the two will always work best.

Don’t forget about you
For single parents with a house full of kids and only one parent to do all the work and all the worrying, it may be easy to forget about ones self. It is crutial to the well-being of your children, that you stay healthy. If you feel run down, ask another parent or relative to mind the kids for a night or two. Try to remember the things you enjoy doing and dedicate a little bit of your time to do these things. The way a parent feels is quite often reflected in a child. If you are stressed out all the time, then this may directly or indirectly affect your child. So, try to stay calm around the kids when you can. Take a deep breath, or wait until the kids are out of the car before you start screaming!

Try to remember that it is all about quality not quantity. There are many two parnet households out their that are doing a much worse job than yourself. Just beacause a parent finds themsleves on their own, doesn’t mean that things won’t work out. Remember, not just anyone can run a house, raise kids and do a thousand other things all at once. Give yourself a pat on the back once in a while. You have a lot to be proud of. Best of luck to you!

About The Author: Article written by Sarah Mitchell of NamesToBe.com. Baby names and meanings at http://www.namestobe.com. Single parenting at http://www.namestobe.com/singleparenting.html

The Father’s Impact

Most people will agree that having an involved father has obvious benefits to children. Many of us have read newspapers and seen TV programs about the benefits of fathers taking part in raising their child by providing love, support, and guidance.

We can also agree that fathers are important because they help to teach children values. Fathers also serve as role models in their children’s lives that affect how well they relate to friends and others outside the home.

The impact of a father starts at a very young age. Even three-month old babies are able to tell the difference between their mother and father. They can differentiate the two by the way each speaks to them, holds them, and by each parent’s particular body odor.

The father can play many roles in the household. The father can be the financial backbone and/or the stay at home dad. The father can be the playmate for the children and the best friend to a spouse.

No matter what hat the father may be wearing, the impact a father can have in the household has staggering implications. Fathers are critical to the development of their sons and daughters and can influence their children in profound ways.

With the divorce rate in America at fifty percent, it is more important today for the father to have a positive impact than ever before. Children who are raised by both parents are more likely to do better in school, and are less likely to use drugs and have sex before marriage.

Growing up, the positive impact my father had on my siblings and I have made us into the adults we are today. Shari, Derrick, and I would never disobey when my father was around. Just the mere fact he was in the house would keep us obedient. We weren’t afraid of our father, but we respected him as head of the household, and that’s what kept us in line.

The influence a father can have seems to be an endless list. Research has shown that children whose fathers are involved in their schooling and academics increase the chances their child will graduate from high school and even attend college.

An involved father lowers the rates of teen violence and other problems with the law. It also is associated with positive child characteristics such as self-esteem, self-control and life skills.

Children who grow up in homes with involved fathers are more likely to take an active role in raising their own families. Fathers who recall a loving relationship with both parents provide a role model for positive parenting, healthy care giving, and a commitment to his own family.

We all want a better society and world to live in.

As our pastor would say, In order to have a better world, we first must have a better country. In order to have a better country, we must have a better state. To have a better state, we need a better city. The way to a better city is to have a better community. The steps to a better community are to have a better home.

It all starts at home, with the father leading the way.

About the Author:Muri enjoys being a full time father to his son, Jordan and spending time with loved ones. He also enjoys sports and working from home with his wife, Nicole. Please contact Muri if you would like to find out how you can spend more time with your family. http://www.fulltimefamily.com Read more articles by: Muri Calhoun Article Source: www.iSnare.com Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=188166&ca=Parenting
Article published on November 28, 2007 at iSnare.com

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Do You Know What Kind of Parent You Are?

This is an important question to answer because as a parent your end goal is to raise a happy, healthy, successful child and to reach that goal you need to be the best parent you can be.The four main parenting styles are determined by the level of warmth and control that parents exert over their child. These two key factors then create four categories of parenting styles: indulgent, authoritarian, authoritative, and uninvolved. Each of these parenting styles reflects different natural patterns of parental values, practices, and behaviors and a distinct balance of response and demand.

* Indulgent parents are more responsive than they are demanding. Nontraditional and lenient, they do not require mature behavior, allow much self-regulation, and avoid confrontation. Indulgent parents may be further divided into two types: democratic parents, who, though lenient, are more conscientious, engaged, and committed to the child, and nondirective or permissive parents.

* Authoritarian parents are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive. They do not explain orders but expect total obedience. These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: those who are not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power and those who are highly intrusive.

* Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. They set clear standards for their child’s conduct, but their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive as they want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, cooperative, and self-regulated.

* Uninvolved parents are low in both response and demand. In extreme cases, this parenting style might encompass both rejection and neglect.

Parenting styles not only differ in terms of response and demand but also the extent of psychological control they extend over their child. Psychological control is the attempt to intrude into the psychological and emotional development of the child through use of parenting practices such as guilt, shame, and withdrawal of love. One key difference between authoritarian and authoritative parenting is in the dimension of psychological control. Both authoritarian and authoritative parents place high demands on their children and expect their children to behave appropriately and obey parental rules. Authoritarian parents, however, also expect their children to accept their judgments, values, and goals without question. In contrast, authoritative parents are more open to give and take with their children and offer more explanation. Therefore, although authoritative and authoritarian parents are both high in behavioral control, authoritative parents tend to be low in psychological control, while authoritarian parents tend to be high.

Learning more about your own parenting style can help you become a more effective parent and raise a more successful child.

About the Author: You can enjoy more family articles at http://parentslearnmore.com and http://officialfamily.us Read more articles by: Deanna Mascle Article Source: www.iSnare.com Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=33165&ca=Parenting Article published on February 08, 2006 at iSnare.com

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Trouble with Parenting - Single Parenting Troubles

If you’re a couple having difficulty in parenting, single parenting is probably more difficult. Single parents sometimes choose their role but, more often, they are single parents because the other parent has divorced them, left them or is in jail. As a single parent, the individual must make all the family decisions unilaterally. If the child gets in trouble, it is the single parent who must take time off from work to deal with the problem.Despite the best skills in parenting, single parents often have difficulty staying steady with difficult discipline problems. The single parent is often worn down and worn out by difficult children or teens and just can’t maintain the same sense of discipline as a two parent family can do. Children of single parents often get into greater trouble and have less parental supervision that children who live with two parents.Because of the demands of parenting, single parents have a harder time dating others. Childcare must be arranged and there simply is less time to spend dating and hanging out with friends if time must be devoted to the child or children. This causes the single parent to be angry and to feel left out of the “adult world” due to the constraints of parenthood. Often the time is spent between work and taking care of the children rather than going out with friends or dates.

While dealing with parenting, single parents must have a great deal of stamina and self reliance. They must juggle the demands of work, homework, house cleaning and dealing with the financial aspects of running a family. There may be just one child to deal with or several—all of which have issues they need to have dealt with. When it is a single parent household, the single parent must wear several hats and do a great deal of tasks to keep the family together.

Not naturally skilled in parenting, single parents can be fathers as well as mothers. When a dad runs a household, he must be just as sensitive to girls’ issues as he his to boys’ issues if he has a daughter. Dads are often thought of as the one who brings home the money and not much else. In single parenting, the dad must do a little bit of everything and take the place of a missing mom in the household.

Even with two parents parenting, single parents who trade children back and forth during the week must try to put up a unified front for the children no matter how they feel about each other. Each parent is, in fact, a single parent but is one who must stay within certain parameters so the child doesn’t feel like he or she can “pull one over” on one parent or the other. Discipline styles must be similar and the children must not be allowed to polarize the parents against one another just because they aren’t together as a couple anymore.

About the Author: Parenting Single brings you the latest news on parenting single. Single parenting is gaining in popularity, so be sure to check out http://parentingknowledge.com Read more articles by: Michael Webb Article Source: www.iSnare.com Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=126702&ca=Parenting Article published on February 19, 2007 at iSnare.com

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Are You the Single Parent of a Teenager?

If you are divorced or widowed, or a single parent who raised on a child by yourself from birth, you know that being a single parent is tough. If you are the single parent of a teenager, you have a lot more to think about.

As your teenager matures, they become more independent. They spend more time away from home in extra curricular activities, with friends and eventually driving a car and going on dates.

All of these things may be a concern to any parent, but when you can’t be home much during the day or even in the evening, you are counting on your child to be honest and stay on track.

And that is a lot to expect of a teen during those years when they are tempted to experiment, and their hormones are playing havoc with their brains. However, there are a few things you can do to make your life easier:

First, engage any support network or friends or family you may have. If you know and trust the parents of your child’s friends, ask them for help for starters. That doesn’t mean you expect them to take on your parental responsibilities. It simply means that, if you have to work late, perhaps those parents will agree to feed your child dinner and give them a safe environment in which to do homework, etc. You can pick your child up on the way home and return the favor to these parents by having their child stay overnight at your house on a weekend when they want to go out and need to know where their child is and what they are doing.

Ask sisters, brothers and grandparents to call and check in on your child if she is home alone. Without interrogating the child, ask them to ask casually what they are doing, whether they have eaten, and if their homework is done. Studies show that even latch key kids without parental supervision do better in school and socially if they know that there is someone checking on them – someone who cares. A random visit during the afternoon or evening as your brother swings home from work is not a bad idea either. “I’m just stopping by to drop something off for your Dad”. You can come up with something.

Talk to your child about the fact that you can’t be there all the time and let them know what you expect. Ground rules are important. Homework is done first, before they play video games, etc. Lock down dangerous websites on your computer and, if your child is MORE computer literate than you are, get a computer literate person at work to teach you how to check and monitor your child’s browsing history so you can see where they are going on the internet. Again, let your child know your expectations.

Give your child chores to do to earn money or to earn favors (like going out with friends on a Saturday night) to keep them busy while you are gone. Laundry, vacuuming, walking the dog, making dinner, whatever you need done. Remember, you are a team!

Try to get your child involved in sports, or after school activities and exchange favors with other parents to get your child to games or practices if your child is not yet driving. Structured activities provide discipline and give your child something to do to stay out of trouble.

KNOW your child’s friends. As your child matures, they are exposed to more people and their circle of friends may change from when they were in elementary school or middle school. Get to know these kids and if you have a concern about their influence, watch things very carefully and make a move if you must.

Above all, make time to talk to your child and do things together when you ARE home. Don’t just sit in front of the TV. Go to a movie, go shopping, take him out to lunch and talk. Ask questions gently, and don’t demand information. Find out what they are interested in now, as they grow and mature. Stay in touch. Call from work to chat on a break. Leave notes, schedule special dinners or outings to do things you both enjoy.

The biggest problem a single parent has is finding time to do everything that must be done. But, if you grow away from your child during these critical years, you will have a problem. Teenagers have a natural tendency to bottle up feelings and stop communicating, as they struggle with new feelings and begin to recognize that you don’t ‘know it all’ as a parent.

About the Author: Janet Hart is the owner of Free Family Help A free family resource site offering free tips, books, and more. Sign up today for a free newsletter to receive even more parenting tips! Free Family Help Newsletter  Read more articles by: Janet Hart  Article Source: www.iSnare.com Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=106322&ca=Parenting Article published on December 03, 2006 at iSnare.com

Do Boys Need Dads?

By Troy Parrish

There have been some articles in the papers and on line as well as some books and even some research published lately stating that to effectively raise boys dads are not necessary. Some of these articles and books go as far as to suggest that boys may actually do a little better in homes without dads than in homes with dads. Why this flurry of activity around this question? After decades of dealing with deadbeat and uninvolved dads and the litany of articles, research and social outcry against such fathers is there appearing in the social discussion the concept of raising boys without fathers and doing so by choice?

The answer is simply the ongoing efforts to redefine family and the foundational relationship in family, marriage. Undeniably, there are those who would very much like to see the definition of marriage be redefined, not so much because they have always had a deep philosophical disagreement with the traditional definition of marriage as the inconvenience that the traditional definition represents to their desired way of living. The difficulty is that the social convention of centuries now impedes some individuals and their lifestyle and their own definition of family. In order to effectively legitimize the changes in such long standing understandings of critical social institutions, such interested parties must address concerns raised by proponents of the traditional understandings of these institutions.

The desire to reconfigure marriage by necessity requires the addressing of concerns of the impact such changes would have on children being raised in these new arrangements. Of particular concern is the impact of raising boys without the presence of a father. How can a woman, on her own, or with a female partner, teach a boy how to be a man? Those that advocate for the position that this is a legitimate choice will put forth individuals and families that have made just such a choice. They will be quick to point out that the boys in these homes are just as well adjusted and as masculine as boys raised in homes with fathers in them. Therefore, they conclude, that there is no harm in raising boys without fathers. Furthermore, that because there is no harm done, the objection to redefining marriage because of the impact on boys is not a valid objection. But on closer examination to the articles and books making these claims, are the conclusions they draw accurate, are the claims themselves valid?

Spend some time reading these pieces and you will begin to discern a pattern that is as old as families themselves. One will begin to observe that those that choose to raise boys without fathers in the home will make real efforts to provide males for these boys to bond with, to provide that male influence and role model that we typically would associate with dad’s role in the boys life.

The boys growing up in these homes also will identify with male role models that they themselves choose and will also indentify with male peer culture. The emphasis placed on this provision of maleness in the lives of these boys appears very much to be an attempt to compensate for what is being deleted from the family by choice. Of course, many women have for centuries been faced with the task of raising boys without a father in the home. Most did a phenomenal job as subsequent generation would attest. Most did just what was described above, found substitutes for the absence of the father. Many spent much time wishing for and looking for these role models for their boys. In other words, they compensated for the deficit.

It would seem apparent to most that the ideal situation, the situation that one would choose, would not require one to make compensation in areas critical to the function of that situation. Marriage is not simply an institution of pleasure for the two people involved. It is the foundation of family and family has been viewed by sociology as foundational to civilization. To choose to construct such a vital institution in such a way that requires compensation and adaptation suggests a selfishness rather than a genuine concern about what is really right and wrong. The continued complaint of those who deal with urban blight concerning the need for involved and appropriate male role models suggests that to intentionally structure family without fathers is not sound practice. The evidence that boys will seek male role models points to the need boys have for this influence in their lives.

The call should not be made to redefine family. It should be the call that we have been making for the last several decades. We need to continue to call fathers to be dads. The bonds of family will increase the likelihood that fathers will continue to be dads in the lives of their children well into adulthood. Not all fathers will live up to this call. But to redefine and institution because some fail to live up to that institutions tenets is faulty thinking. We certainly do not completely remake governments every time a politician fails to live up to the calling. Companies do not completely reinvent themselves every time upper management fails to do as required. We do not see the institution as flawed, we see the individuals as flawed and call them to be more responsible, to step up to the task.

This is no condemnation on those who are faced with raising boys without a father by circumstances beyond their control. The majority of these moms will do a fantastic job, and as stated above most will desire a good male role model that their son or sons can engage with. This article is addressing the false notion that boys can be raised without men in their lives.

Do boys need dads? Of course they do. Will all boys have a dad? Of course not. Will they turn out OK? Some will, some won’t, but that doesn’t change what has always been the ideal, a loving engaged father is of great benefit to a boy.

Agree with this article? Visit Boys Behavior at http://boysbehavior.thehomeschoolorganizer.com to read more. Boys Behavior is a web site dedicated to providing information about the nature and development of boys and their behavior. While visiting, leave us a little feedback on the blog or sign up for the news letter. Oh, we are also always giving something away, so visit today. Troy L Parrish MA LCPC is a counselor in private practice in Columbia, MD Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Troy_Parrish http://EzineArticles.com/?Do-Boys-Need-Dads?&id=880350

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