Archive for December, 2007
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December 31, 2007
The cost of being a parent and raising a child in todays world is constantly increasing. The risk of your child becoming involved in problem behaviour is also greater. Parents must work together as a team to ensure the 
brightest future for their children. But what if there is no team. No other person to rely upon. This is what millions of single parents deal with everyday. But it is not only the parent who sees this as a gloomy situation. Children are quite often left thinking that they are the reason for a separation or divorce. It is the child who must attend father and son day at school without a dad. They have to grow up with all the stigma attached to coming from a “broken home”. These are just a few of the many potential problems that a single parents household are faced with. This article is aimed at providing single parents with some strategies for raising a good child despite what other people may say.
Concentrate on the positives
Although it may be impossible to see at first, there are some positives for single parents. The main one being less fighting, bickering and tension around the house. This will benefit your child in the long run as it becomes a more child friendly environment. Try to see your situation as a new found freedom and feeling of independence.
Develop a new relationship with your child
A child must obviously be comforted at such a time, but also made to see that you are the boss. Do not let your child think that because there is now only one parent around, they can do whatever they please. Children need rules and routine, regardless of how many parents are around.
Ask for help if you need it
Suddenly single parents will probably find that their workload doubles or triples at first. If your children are old enough, be sure to set them some chores around the house each day to take the pressure off yourself a little. Speak to other parents as much as you can. You will be surprised how often they will be happy to help out. It may just be taking your child to the movies or to a sports game on a Saturday morning, but every little bit helps. Above all, don’t feel as though you have to do absolutely everything on your own.
Do not use your children for emotional support
Children need to have fun, play with their friends and enjoy their youth. Do not become overly possessive of your child or look to them for emotional support. This quite often leads to the child feeling as overwhelmed as you are. Although you may not be ready for another romantic relationship, try to talk to other adults about your emotions.
Kids react best to routine
In order to create a stable household envirnonment with children, their must be rules and routine. Simple things like having dinner at the same time each night, bed time, homework time etc… If you can provide a schedule for them, they will feel a sense of security. Of course, the correct dosage of attention and affection will also provide and sustain a nuturing environment, but a combination of the two will always work best.
Don’t forget about you
For single parents with a house full of kids and only one parent to do all the work and all the worrying, it may be easy to forget about ones self. It is crutial to the well-being of your children, that you stay healthy. If you feel run down, ask another parent or relative to mind the kids for a night or two. Try to remember the things you enjoy doing and dedicate a little bit of your time to do these things. The way a parent feels is quite often reflected in a child. If you are stressed out all the time, then this may directly or indirectly affect your child. So, try to stay calm around the kids when you can. Take a deep breath, or wait until the kids are out of the car before you start screaming!
Try to remember that it is all about quality not quantity. There are many two parnet households out their that are doing a much worse job than yourself. Just beacause a parent finds themsleves on their own, doesn’t mean that things won’t work out. Remember, not just anyone can run a house, raise kids and do a thousand other things all at once. Give yourself a pat on the back once in a while. You have a lot to be proud of. Best of luck to you!
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December 31, 2007
Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case is a very important decision. The following are a few important criteria to help in finding the right divorce lawyer.
Experience and Focus
Any divorce lawyer you consider should have substantial experience in handling divorce cases in your location. An experienced divorce lawyer will know the tendencies of the various judges in your jurisdiction and should be able to use this knowledge to your advantage. Additionally, that lawyer should practice primarily in the field of divorce law. Often people will hire a lawyer who practices primarily in some other area, thinking that any lawyer will do. However, divorce law is a very specialized field that requires particular skills and experience in order to have a likelihood of reaching a successful conclusion.
Past Client Testimonials
Perhaps the best way to decide which divorce lawyer to use for your divorce case is to find out what former clients have to say about that lawyer. While divorce is never an enjoyable process, some divorce lawyers have more success at satisfying their clients than others. If you do not know someone who has been a client of that particular divorce lawyer, you should consider asking the lawyer for a list of clients that you can contact who can describe their experience with the lawyer. While client confidentiality is important, any good experienced divorce lawyer should have at least a few former clients who are willing to vouch for him or her.
Accessible
When a client becomes dissatisfied with a divorce lawyer, one of the most common complaints is that they were unable to communicate with the lawyer. It is very important that your divorce lawyer be accessible and prompt in responding to your phone calls, emails, and requests for meetings. While you can ask the divorce lawyer about their office policy, this is another area where you can best evaluate the divorce lawyer by hearing what former clients have to say.
If a former client of the lawyer tells you that they found it very difficult to contact the attorney, or that the lawyer either did not return calls or respond to emails or would take several days to do so, you should definitely avoid that lawyer. Divorce is an unpleasant and frustrating process under the best of circumstances. If you are unable to reach your divorce attorney, or at least someone on his or her staff, the frustration level can increase exponentially.
Fees
When you make your initial appointment with the divorce attorney, you should inquire about a consultation fee. Some lawyers do brief initial consultations for free, although most experienced divorce lawyers will charge between $100.00 and $200.00 as a consultation fee, or will charge their normal hourly rate.
For example, I charge a flat $100.00 consultation fee with no additional hourly charges, regardless of the length of the meeting. Essentially, the consultation fee is to “weed out” those people who are not serious about the possibility of hiring me. Given that my normal hourly rate is $200.00/hour and the usual typical consultation takes about 90 minutes, the charge for my consultation is significantly discounted. Therefore, you shouldn’t let a consultation fee scare you away from interviewing a particular lawyer.
During the consultation it is vitally important that you have a candid discussion with the prospective divorce lawyer about fees and what you can expect. Typically, an experienced divorce lawyer will require the payment of a substantial retainer up front, against which that lawyer’s hourly rate and expenses will be charged. You should find out what that lawyer’s hourly rate is, what the up front retainer will be, whether any portion of the retainer is refundable if it is not exhausted, and how often you can expect to receive invoices that detail their hourly charges and expenses. You also will want to know how detailed the invoices are. Once again, this is another area where you can get excellent information from those people who have been clients of that divorce lawyer.
Comfortable
While all the above issues are important, there is one final question you should ask yourself before hiring a divorce lawyer. Are you comfortable with that lawyer and are you confident in his or her abilities? If the answer is anything other than a resounding “yes,” you should keep looking. Your case is too important to entrust to someone who does not inspire your confidence.
Scott Morgan is a Houston attorney who practices exclusively in the field of divorce and family law. He has practiced family law in Texas since 1994. For more information go to http://www.houstondivorce.com
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December 30, 2007
As lone parents, we may experience emotions such as loneliness and isolation. The frustration of being a single parent can create stress and anxiety levels that can be harmful to you and your loved ones, left unchecked this can lead towards emotional meltdown. Use this site learns the art of survival, have your say or tell the rest of us your survival tips.
Few of us actually want to be single parent mums or dads, given the choice I am sure you would much rather be in a deep meaningful, caring relationship. And its because of this, a lot of you, are where you are today. We are encouraged to believe from infancy that we will one day fall in love, get married have kids and live happily ever after. The reality is of course quite different, and many of us are left feeling cheated, hurt, and bitterly disappointed.
Note; a solo voyage is never an easy one, your survival depends heavily on your ability to wave that goodbye to what was. This is by no means an easy task, and many will be tempted to jump ship. I take this opportunity to wish these persons a lot of luck and every success in their old life. Those of you that decide to take that plunge may well find them selves stranded or treading water and will be picked up at our next port of call. Reports of an epidemic of Cabin fever have prompted the captain to suggest all passengers walk the decks at least four times a week.
There are many things that we take for granted, and our well being is one of them, the art of self preservation is all about taking control of our emotions, and deciding for our selves what is best, and that means what’s best for you and your own, it is perhaps a tab selfish, but at this point in time it’s no bad thing. Taking on the role as a single parent also includes the taking care of yourself, this may at first seem easy but in practice it is not, no more do you get that complement, nod of approval or pat on the back. You now have no one to answer to and no one to answer you back. You now have to encourage your own confidence and question your own doubts. This is by no means an easy task and is a constant battle of will, you may well stand as one but within there are two battling the odds on shall I or shall I not, etc. Don’t be afraid to ask others their opinion on important issues, as a one sided argument will only ever gives you the answer that you want to hear, and not necessarily the right one.
Much of what we do in our every day lives, is only possible because we have mastered the art of certain social skills, like communicating, this like any of our skills is only available to us because it has been practiced, and if it has been practiced well, along comes confidence to back it up, and together they make a wining team. However, one doesn’t work very well without the other. So unless the practice is kept up sooner or later one, if not both will simply disappear.
About the Author: If you really want to find out the secrets of which popular dating sites or free personal ads are the most effective to find a gorgeous partner online, then you must read the free articles available at panda dating sites . Read more articles by: Julia Tanner Article Source: www.iSnare.com Article published on April 12, 2007 at iSnare.com
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December 30, 2007
Is there such a thing as “Single Blessedness?” It is an idea to be fathomed for we can’t consider it generally acceptable. Being single does not focus on the physical aspect of one, simply because there is an absence of a romantic partner, or a hubby. The essence of the word single blessedness is what it takes inside the ver being of a person. It counts to the attitude you develop, and carry after one separates or divorce from a long-time partner. In the single status everything is light under your reach, all within definite bounds under your discretion, especially decisions makings.You enjoy being the total master of yourself without the circumstances of nagging, when things turn out not to be in good shape.
There are so many factors behind separations. Wherever it takes them, the price is to be single again. It is freeing oneself from the pressures of a controlled life of having a companion. They say if you are with somebody up there, and settled fixed in marriage, you own your freedom on a fifty-fifty basis. It is tantamount to denying yourself of the basics in life. Conjugal life is so complicated. You will always adhere to the principle, one heart, soul, body and spirit. The very physical side aspect of conjugal partnership, “it takes two to tango,” is the real meaning of the so-called partnership. The material side of marriage is to share each other’s share in bringing home the “beacon.”
Definitely, in husband and wife lives, one is a sacrificial lamb, a picture of total subject and submission. Needless to say that in this modern-day life, they believe that husband and wife are equal in the eyes of the modern-day society. Both enjoy and suffer the consequences of having to share conjugal responsibilities. The meek woman of yesterday, during the time of our great grandparents personifies both the cooperative and reluctant housekeeper these days.
In the advent of women’s emancipation in the early l900’s, the domestic roles of women have declined owning to the many jobs offered by many establishments that demand the female populace to work. Who would ever think of enjoying a married life of limited freedom with a nagging or jealous husband. Now it is a matter of who takes the bigger beacon or bread. As if by choice marriage could last basing on the strength of each to accept who is the lesser asset in the family.
It is too much to believe in the so-called, “marriage lasting forever,” as long as they live. Married people take divorce by choice to be single again to get out from the demands and pressures that surround it. With, or without due reason at all everybody seem to get out from its knots, and once divorce is filed, can’t be denied. It is rather a discretion to get thru what undesirable experience in marriage has it.
All what has been written above refers to the erred woman, at times, before her chauvinist insecure husband. How about the male in general, against a nagging wife? The fact that women too became role breadwinners in today’s generation, they became more aggressive and most of the time, you find them fighting in court against their husbands who fell prey to their kind of arrogance. As a consequence, the erred husband finds solace in somebody else’s arms. Neither this act could be a solution to his bitterness towards his wife. The family ends up in total chaos, and finally this simple unit in our society goes into devastating rumble. Being single again is all that matters on each end. It ensues a very irrevocable need, and the general idea lies in the voluminous lists in the courts filed today for legal process. Single blessedness? Is it right to be in this state? There is no definite answer. However you always enjoy being single.
The cycle of life and history of all the character victims in each family endlessly repeat itself. There is no right formula to stop us from our need to be single again. After all, we were born single, and the genetic rule prevails and we will end up to return where we should be in all eternity, in our single state. That’s how it comes about in “single blessedness.”
About the Author: Breakupadvice.com is a new resource on breakup and divorces. Read more articles by: Breakup Guide a href=”http://www.isnare.com/”>Article Source: www.iSnare.comPermanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=48035&ca=Break-upArticle published on April 22, 2006 at iSnare.com
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December 30, 2007
Most people will agree that having an involved father has obvious benefits to children. Many of us have read newspapers and seen TV programs about the benefits of fathers taking part in raising their child by providing love, support, and guidance.
We can also agree that fathers are important because they help to teach children values. Fathers also serve as role models in their children’s lives that affect how well they relate to friends and others outside the home.
The impact of a father starts at a very young age. Even three-month old babies are able to tell the difference between their mother and father. They can differentiate the two by the way each speaks to them, holds them, and by each parent’s particular body odor.
The father can play many roles in the household. The father can be the financial backbone and/or the stay at home dad. The father can be the playmate for the children and the best friend to a spouse.
No matter what hat the father may be wearing, the impact a father can have in the household has staggering implications. Fathers are critical to the development of their sons and daughters and can influence their children in profound ways.
With the divorce rate in America at fifty percent, it is more important today for the father to have a positive impact than ever before. Children who are raised by both parents are more likely to do better in school, and are less likely to use drugs and have sex before marriage.
Growing up, the positive impact my father had on my siblings and I have made us into the adults we are today. Shari, Derrick, and I would never disobey when my father was around. Just the mere fact he was in the house would keep us obedient. We weren’t afraid of our father, but we respected him as head of the household, and that’s what kept us in line.
The influence a father can have seems to be an endless list. Research has shown that children whose fathers are involved in their schooling and academics increase the chances their child will graduate from high school and even attend college.
An involved father lowers the rates of teen violence and other problems with the law. It also is associated with positive child characteristics such as self-esteem, self-control and life skills.
Children who grow up in homes with involved fathers are more likely to take an active role in raising their own families. Fathers who recall a loving relationship with both parents provide a role model for positive parenting, healthy care giving, and a commitment to his own family.
We all want a better society and world to live in.
As our pastor would say, In order to have a better world, we first must have a better country. In order to have a better country, we must have a better state. To have a better state, we need a better city. The way to a better city is to have a better community. The steps to a better community are to have a better home.
It all starts at home, with the father leading the way.
About the Author:Muri enjoys being a full time father to his son, Jordan and spending time with loved ones. He also enjoys sports and working from home with his wife, Nicole. Please contact Muri if you would like to find out how you can spend more time with your family. http://www.fulltimefamily.com Read more articles by: Muri Calhoun Article Source: www.iSnare.com Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=188166&ca=Parenting
Article published on November 28, 2007 at iSnare.com
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December 30, 2007
As home prices continue to appreciate throughout the nation, down payments become harder to make. Housing down payment from HUD may be the answer.
One of the biggest financial hurdles to the American Dream of owning a home is the down payment. The magic number with down payments is twenty percent of the value of the home. If you can put down this amount, you avoid expenses such as private mortgage insurance and get a head start on building equity in the property. It can be hard, however, to come up with twenty percent on a home selling for $300,000, to wit, you need $60,000!
Homes can then be purchased through HUD and financed through FHA-approved low interest loans. In addition, HUD offers other services including housing down payment assistance. Although HUD does not offer these directly to the public, it has DAPs in place. A DAP is Downpayment Assistance through Secondary Finance Providers. These providers are backed by HUD and offer no to low interest loans that be used for down payment assistance when it is needed. Instead of financing your home purchase, they finance the down payment required for the purchase.
As you might imagine, financing you down payment in addition to your overall real estate purchase raises some questions. First, should you buying the property in question if you have to pursue both financing options? Owning a home is a great financial move, but you might be biting off more than you can chew by going in this direction. Second, perhaps you should choose a home with a lower price? This double finance situation means you are going to be paying a lot of interest to get into that home. Ultimately, you might regret doing so when you realize you will never see it again.
Housing down payment assistance through HUD can be incredibly useful. In fact, all of the services offered through HUD can greatly assist any potential homebuyers. They offer great, low cost homes and offer assistance to homeowners who are struggling to make the payments on their own home. This service should be taken advantage of when necessary.
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December 30, 2007
This is an important question to answer because as a parent your end goal is to raise a happy, healthy, successful child and to reach that goal you need to be the best parent you can be.The four main parenting styles are determined by the level of warmth and control that parents exert over their child. These two key factors then create four categories of parenting styles: indulgent, authoritarian, authoritative, and uninvolved. Each of these parenting styles reflects different natural patterns of parental values, practices, and behaviors and a distinct balance of response and demand.
* Indulgent parents are more responsive than they are demanding. Nontraditional and lenient, they do not require mature behavior, allow much self-regulation, and avoid confrontation. Indulgent parents may be further divided into two types: democratic parents, who, though lenient, are more conscientious, engaged, and committed to the child, and nondirective or permissive parents.
* Authoritarian parents are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive. They do not explain orders but expect total obedience. These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: those who are not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power and those who are highly intrusive.
* Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. They set clear standards for their child’s conduct, but their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive as they want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, cooperative, and self-regulated.
* Uninvolved parents are low in both response and demand. In extreme cases, this parenting style might encompass both rejection and neglect.
Parenting styles not only differ in terms of response and demand but also the extent of psychological control they extend over their child. Psychological control is the attempt to intrude into the psychological and emotional development of the child through use of parenting practices such as guilt, shame, and withdrawal of love. One key difference between authoritarian and authoritative parenting is in the dimension of psychological control. Both authoritarian and authoritative parents place high demands on their children and expect their children to behave appropriately and obey parental rules. Authoritarian parents, however, also expect their children to accept their judgments, values, and goals without question. In contrast, authoritative parents are more open to give and take with their children and offer more explanation. Therefore, although authoritative and authoritarian parents are both high in behavioral control, authoritative parents tend to be low in psychological control, while authoritarian parents tend to be high.
Learning more about your own parenting style can help you become a more effective parent and raise a more successful child.
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December 30, 2007
If you’re a couple having difficulty in parenting, single parenting is probably more difficult. Single parents sometimes choose their role but, more often, they are single parents because the other parent has divorced them, left them or is in jail. As a single parent, the individual must make all the family decisions unilaterally. If the child gets in trouble, it is the single parent who must take time off from work to deal with the problem.Despite the best skills in parenting, single parents often have difficulty staying steady with difficult discipline problems. The single parent is often worn down and worn out by difficult children or teens and just can’t maintain the same sense of discipline as a two parent family can do. Children of single parents often get into greater trouble and have less parental supervision that children who live with two parents.Because of the demands of parenting, single parents have a harder time dating others. Childcare must be arranged and there simply is less time to spend dating and hanging out with friends if time must be devoted to the child or children. This causes the single parent to be angry and to feel left out of the “adult world” due to the constraints of parenthood. Often the time is spent between work and taking care of the children rather than going out with friends or dates.
While dealing with parenting, single parents must have a great deal of stamina and self reliance. They must juggle the demands of work, homework, house cleaning and dealing with the financial aspects of running a family. There may be just one child to deal with or several—all of which have issues they need to have dealt with. When it is a single parent household, the single parent must wear several hats and do a great deal of tasks to keep the family together.
Not naturally skilled in parenting, single parents can be fathers as well as mothers. When a dad runs a household, he must be just as sensitive to girls’ issues as he his to boys’ issues if he has a daughter. Dads are often thought of as the one who brings home the money and not much else. In single parenting, the dad must do a little bit of everything and take the place of a missing mom in the household.
Even with two parents parenting, single parents who trade children back and forth during the week must try to put up a unified front for the children no matter how they feel about each other. Each parent is, in fact, a single parent but is one who must stay within certain parameters so the child doesn’t feel like he or she can “pull one over” on one parent or the other. Discipline styles must be similar and the children must not be allowed to polarize the parents against one another just because they aren’t together as a couple anymore.
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December 30, 2007
One of the main challenges that face single parents is child care. The vast majority of single parents need to work and as a result they need to find suitable care for their child. If the child is a baby or toddler it can be a bit more difficult than a child that is of school age.
When a single parent is looking for full time child care they have several options. One is to hire a nanny. This is someone who either lives with the single parent and the child or simply spends a portion of each day in their home. This is normally the most expensive alternative when it comes to child care but for a single parent with a demanding career it can be the only choice.
Another choice in child care for the single parent is to utilize the child’s grandparents or aunts and uncles. Many family members are happy to help the single parent in any way they can and that includes providing quality care. It doesn’t hurt for the single parent to ask relatives about providing child care. The worst that can happen is they’ll say no.
Traditional daycares also offer single parents child care. This is a great choice because it is generally very affordable and also helps the child to develop their interpersonal skills. Parents who are single often qualify for a subsidy and they can ask the daycare staff about this during the interview process. It’s important to get references from the daycare staff as well as tour the facility.
If a child is older the single parent can look towards the school for child care support. Many elementary schools now have after school programs for children. These are very inexpensive and the child does not need to be transported at all. They stay at their school until the parent leaves work and can pick them up. Most schools recognize that single parents face more obstacles than their married counterparts and are happy to accommodate when the parent is running a bit late. The child does need to leave by a certain time each day though so arrangements must be made if the parent will be very late.
Older children often will ask to go over to a friend’s house after school sometimes. This can also be another alternative for the single parent looking for childcare. Some children want to always go to their best friend’s home after school. If this is a common occurrence than the single parent might consider contacting the parents of their child’s friend and asking about paying them for childcare. Many parents welcome the extra bit of income and the company for their child after school.
If a single parent is living on a very fixed income than they may be able to receive free childcare. Many governments offer fully funded childcare programs for families living on a small income, this includes single parent families. When looking for childcare, check out this option if you are a single parent.
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December 30, 2007
When the ink has dried on your divorce papers, and the dust finally starts to settle, you will find yourself facing an entirely new set of problems. Now you are alone with your responsibilities. The scheduling of your life is different, and probably more difficult.
If your husband is limited to brief visitation rights, then the day-to-day responsibility for your kids is now completely yours. Even if your spouse has your children part of the time, you will discover that you are more limited. If your ex did anything at all around the house you will now have to do it yourself. If he did any of the family bookkeeping, or helped the kids with schoolwork, or took them here or there, that service is no longer available.You have a household. Once there were two people who could take on the duty of running it. Now there’s one.
You will probably begin to see this happening from the start. During your divorce these things present themselves. But in some ways they aren’t as obvious then. This is partly due to the incredible turmoil you are already facing. There may also be other factors disguising the truth. Your friends and family knew what you were going through while the battle was still raging. Often some of them stepped up to bat, and helped in so many ways. Your best friend drove your boy to sports practice through an entire season, and maybe your sister took your daughter to shop for clothes. But that was when your days were endless cycles of lawyers, court dates, and searching for records. Now life is supposed to be normal.
The only problem with that is the workload: it seems to be permanently bigger.
In most cases the ex-spouse should be of help, but there are almost always problems and disagreements. Most likely these will last as long as your children are still underage and a shared responsibility. How much support and help your ex is giving you with the kids is usually a measure of your sanity. I’ve had my own problems with this, as does nearly every parent who keeps custody most of the time. My ex-husband’s mandated times with the kids only cover a couple of weekends and some weekday evenings each month. Often the evenings simply don’t happen.
Many divorced parents face the same dilemma: doubled responsibility not only for kids, but for shopping, cleaning, paying the bills, taking care of the pets, doing the laundry, and the list goes on and on!
Being a single parent is no easy task. For each of us the new responsibilities take different forms. When they are still together most parents gradually take on some aspects of the good cop/bad cop relationship with their kids. Sometimes dad is the one who is judge and jury, while mom seems willing to listen. Or those roles might be reversed. Maybe your ex-spouse was the disciplinarian; while you were the sympathetic one they could always come to. Whatever role you played before, now you must be both. If your boy gets in a fight, or your daughter mistreats a schoolmate, you have to dole out the punishment. Yet, if there were extenuating circumstances, you also have to understand. How can a person do both? It seems almost impossible.
This is aggravated even more by the divorce. A split inevitably sets up a competitive situation. In a conflict people always look for allies, and in a divorce both parents want the kids to be on their respective sides. This doesn’t end with the decree.
If dad was once the disciplinarian, but now only sees the kids for a few days a month, he’s likely to be much less help when they do something wrong. He’ll want his house to be the place where they have fun. At the same time, mom is going to get tired of always being the one to give punishments. She doesn’t want her children to hate her. This often turns into a competition for affection that can only hurt the children.
What every parent in a divorce must learn is that their children still have the same needs they had before the divorce. That means they need the adults in their lives to take on adult responsibilities. For instance, if you are about to leave your children off at your spouse’s, don’t work extra hard to leave the best impression. There’s no need to make your last stop one at a fast food joint where you fill them full of sugar and empty calories. Instead, just make them understand that you love them, and are concerned with their well being in every way. Ease them into the transition by assuring them of their place in your life, while helping them see that they still have that place in your spouse’s life as well.
If your spouse doesn’t cooperate, try to resolve it when the kids aren’t there. Do all you can to make sure that the facts of custody are not rules of engagement, but rather are simply a structure for your children’s benefit. If you and your spouse still have lingering differences in this area, the best way to help your cause is to simply be the best parent you can be.
But whatever your arrangement is with your ex-spouse, life can’t help but be more difficult alone. So what do you do in the face of overwhelming odds, and the seemingly inevitable nervous breakdown?
First, remember you are not alone. There are millions of single parents out there facing the same thing you are. You probably know other mothers (and/or fathers) who are, or have been, in the same situation. Don’t be afraid about turning to them now. They may know things you don’t, and if not, they can always lend a hand, or at least some sympathy.
Others who have gone through the same thing will realize what pressure you are under. This isn’t simply a matter of finances (though that issue usually has a lot to do with it). You are now the one that your children come to every day of the week. They need you desperately for their own sense of security, especially after their world has been turned upside down from divorce. You are the one who picks up after them, feeds them, and gives them allowances. You are the one who talks to their friends’ mothers and fathers. You get the call from school. You talk to their teachers. You are the first one to hear about bills for education and health. If your children are about to go to college, you are the one they talk to about those possibilities.
If you are the parent they stay with most nights, and you are the parent they see in the morning before they go to school, then you are simply the one.
Because it used to be different, because there used to be two of you, and because there used to be two parental roles being played in this house, you now have to learn something new. Now you must develop some skills you never needed before. If you can do what is necessary you’ll find that this new order isn’t that scary. If you can adapt, you will not only survive, but thrive. A new exciting life is just around the corner. Your job is to figure out how to keep from getting so exhausted that “just around the corner” turns out to be an impossible distance to cover.
Your job as a newly single parent may not be easy, but it in time you will adjust, fall into a routine and discover a new found strength you never thought you had.
About the Author: Christina Rowe is the best selling author of “Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know”. Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce. For your free chapter of the book go to: http://www.secretsofdivorce.com Read more articles by: Christina Rowe Article Source: www.iSnare.com Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=151646&ca=Parenting Article published on May 17, 2007 at iSnare.com
