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June 29, 2008
She’s smart, fun, and attractive. But she’s saddled with kids.
The single mother may be the center of her children’s orbit, but she is often a universe away from finding Mr. Right.
Such is the premise of a new television reality show — “Single Moms” — which will air this June on TLC.
“We found a show that we think reflects something that a lot of our audience is going through,” Brant Pinvidic, TLC’s senior vice president of programming told the New York Post this week. “There are a lot of single parents out there.”
The show is based on a popular Swedish show — “Ensam mamma soker” — which follows three women in search of love.
The U.S. network will choose bachelors from applications submitted online. In the Swedish version, the single mothers are introduced to bachelors through personal ads.
An estimated 10.4 million women are single mothers living with children younger than 18, up 3.4 million since 1970, according to the U.S. Census.
Of all the women who are custodial parents, about 44 percent are divorced or separated; 33 percent have never been married; 22 percent are married and 1 percent are widowed.
’Deck Is Stacked’
According to singleparents.com, “the deck is stacked against a single parent from the get go.” When balancing housework with childcare and visitation schedules, there is hardly time to think about dating.
A plethora of books and advice columns suggest how the single mother can juggle dating with children and prudent protocols to follow once the relationship gets serious. But this reality show touches a feminine nerve how to find the boyfriend in the first place.
“You can probably meet a man in a bar, but that’s not the kid of guy you are looking for,” said Jennifer Wolf, a Michigan parent coach and advisor on About.com.
Sadly, the greatest challenge facing single mothers is their own sense of guilt, according to Wolf, particularly when they are under society’s pressure to find a mate.
“Single women have so many responsibilities that are pressing, and they don’t let up at all,” said Wolf. “They have to carve out some time for themselves. Dating and having a social life is part of taking care of yourself.”
Wolf recommends single moms sit down and “really think through” the kind of man they envision becoming part of their family. “Then you are more likely not to make a decision in the moment that you would later regret. There is more clarity.”
The “million-dollar question,” according to Wolf, is how to find a man who shares the same values.
“Put yourself in a position where you are coming across the kind of men you are looking for,” said Wolf, suggesting church or community events or activities for singles.
“You open yourself up to a higher quality man,” she said. “Someone who is not afraid to take it slow and get to know your kids and make a commitment when the time comes.”
By taking time, single moms avoid the anxiety and “looking desperate,” Wolf said. Men also shy away from women who immediately ask, “What’s your job, or what can you do for me?”
Online Dating
Online dating is another way to get to know a person better before they meet, but that can bring its own dangers. FBI agents have warned that lonely, struggling women can be easy targets for pedophiles.
Last year, ABC News reported that 24 million Americans went online looking for love. One single mother who married after meeting on a dating site later discovered her husband was molesting her daughter.
One Web site Solomother.com recommends single mothers run a background check or run a potential boyfriend’s name against the database of sex offenders.
“Just because a guy makes your toes tingle, don’t forget your common sense,” advises Solomother.com. “If something about him makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on end, don’t make excuses. Just run like hell. You can apologize later if you have to.”
The stakes are higher for women than for men, because they usually have full-time custody of their children.
Only about 16 percent of single parents are men, according to the U.S. Census bureau about 3.2 million fathers, many of whom do not have primary custody and therefore more opportunities to date.
“The woman is thinking about protecting her children and what potential role the man will have with the children,” said Wolf. “This is not necessarily the top priority for a majority of men.”
Yeshiva University professor Louise Silverman, who teaches family therapy, said the difference between single mothers and single dads is often a financial one.
“Men are the dominant group in our culture,” she said. “They make more money and have more status and more power than women.”
“It’s much more prestigious for a woman to have a man than to go out alone,” said Silverstein. “It’s much more complicated because men can marry down with age and income and women cannot.”
Younger mothers are usually more motivated to get married again, she said. Younger divorced women “tend to marry as quickly as possible,” yet older women hold off longer.
‘Everyone Needs a Wife’
Divorced men remarry the quickest, “because every one needs a wife.”
Men also have the upper hand when it comes to meeting prospective wives. Numerous television shows from “The Andy Griffith Show” in the 1960s to “Full House” in the 1990s to today’s “Two and Half Men” portray single fathers sought out by eager girlfriends.
“Men who are single dads and good dads, in terms of not only providing for the children, but nurturing them in an emotionally connected way,” are attractive to would-be girlfriends, according to Silverstein.
Given the challenges women face in the dating scene, TLC’s new television show may have some vicarious appeal for single moms. But therapists don’t recommend volunteering for the casting call.
Reality shows, which rely on the drama of conflict and embarrassment, may be entertaining, but hard on their contestants’ personal lives.
“Take a show like ‘Moment of Truth’ where the point of the show is watching someone in trouble,” said parenting coach Wolf. “In the end, it ruins people’s lives.”
“You can’t control what is public when you are out there,” she said. “Not only are you vulnerable, but so are your kids.”
For more information, go to singleparents.about.com. Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures
Published by
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June 17, 2008
Nearly all single parents have to work to meet their financial needs. It is not possible for them to look after their preschool children while at work. Daycare assistance is expensive so they require some sort of arrangement which is affordable. A number of groups recognize this and offer their help by arranging inexpensive daycare support.
So if you are a single parent looking for daycare support groups, you need to know the means to find one. There are a number of programs depending on your monthly income. Support generated from public funds is for very low income groups. These public assistance grants however do not distribute cash; rather they help single parents by giving them access to programs such as the Head Start. This program works by providing day care services free or at affordable price. They also help parents of preschool children by giving the much needed advice to get appropriate daycare facility for their children. All single parents who are getting public support can also benefit from the Head Start and other public services meant for them. Your social worker may help you in this regard. There are other programs which are based on your requirements, for example there are mother specific assistance programs.
It may happen that your income exceeds the limits for public assistance and Head Start. This is particularly true for mothers who are on court ordered support. They need to explore other areas for their support. There are preschools attached with various churches that may offer their support to single parents. Some of these are run for extended hours and their selection criteria are also not very strict. They also relax their fees for church members. Another hope is given by some private schools which support single parents. They offer financial aid which is linked to your income. You are required to fill in a form and give your financial position and support it with documents such as tax returns. You will benefit from their services if you are eligible. So help is available not only from the public sector but also from private schools and churches and it is up to you to get maximum benefit from these programs.
The dilemma of single parents is that they have to work and arrange something for their children at home also. However they may not be able to cope with situation within their own resources. Although help is available in many forms, however they may not be eligible, for various reasons. Still in that case the situation is not hopeless. Many Day Care centers require help with office work such as keeping records and other clerical jobs. Single parents can get this job and work for extra hours. In return they can get some financial concessions. There are many answers to a problem, all you have to do is to think and get the most suitable solution. It is always difficult for single parents to bring up children singly. Trying to get some support to make your life a little easieris the need of the hour.
Published by
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June 17, 2008
There are countless books on how to get rich. We buy them for hope, but the best of them offer us a mindset. If you want to make money you have to think like someone who makes money.
One book that has really helped me change the way I think about money is Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. This book encourages you to explore what you learned from your parents about money. You learn what your “financial blueprint” is for success. This book taught me a system for saving money.
Eker’s system involves setting up a number of jars, and putting money into them each week. One jar is labeled “Financial Freedom.” That money is only for investments that will bring you passive income. There are other jars for “Long-Term Savings,” “Education,” and “Give Away.” The last jar is everyone’s favorite: the “Play” jar. That’s money you’re required to spend on yourself. You’re supposed to use it to treat yourself to something luxurious— a massage or an expensive dinner—something a rich person would buy. The idea is to set aside 10% of each paycheck in each jar. If that’s too much, you at least put in something—whatever you can afford on a regular basis. The important thing is the habit. I used this system, and it gave me the security of knowing that at least I had control of some of my money. If you would like to learn more about this system and get a copy of this life-changing book go to:
www.secretsofthemillionairemind.com/a/successfuldivorce.
I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction: whatever you pay attention to will expand. If you constantly complain about debts, they will grow. It’s like the bad day that always gets worse: you stub your toe, the dog throws up, the kids start fighting, and by the end of the day you’re lucky if a tractor-trailer hasn’t smashed into your house. Bad luck seems to create more bad luck. The key is to stop as soon as it starts happening, and change how you think and feel. So you stub your toe. It hurts, but you get over it. The dog throws up? Clean it up and move on. The kids fight, so you break it up and send them to school. Find and hold onto a positive attitude.
But, you say, you don’t live in my house Easier said than done.
True, but let me give you a trick that will usually get you out of a bad mood: Be grateful. Think of everything that you have and who you love. Feel the feelings of joy and love you get from having those people in your life. Be grateful for your pets, your house, your car, a sunny day, a rainy day, anything and everything It is amazing how good you will feel by doing this every day. More of those good feelings and thoughts will flow your way.
The same idea applies to money; the law of attraction can bring you great abundance. Each day visualize what you want. “See” that house you want, or the car, or whatever. Be in the moment and actually see yourself enjoying these things. Feel how good it feels. Make a “Dream” Board. Cut out pictures of the things you want and stick them on a corkboard or poster. Look at this daily. Before you know it you will begin to attract these things into your life. Believe me, it works.
Two terrific books about the law of attraction are Joe Vitale’s The Attractor Factor and Esther and Jerry Hicks’s Ask and It Is Given. An amazing movie you can order online called The Secret (http://www.thesecret.tv/home.html) also explains how the law of attraction works. Take this seriously; it will change your life. By bringing more to your life, you will enjoy life more and be less stressed.
These fundamentals will improve your life financially. Study wealth. There is so much great information out there. Read everything you can. Continue to learn. I am addicted to learning and I love to read. If you aren’t fond of reading, then listen to audios in your car, and watch informational DVDs. Open yourself to new ideas. You will see dramatic changes in your finances. Apply the principles you like, and disregard the rest. Continue this quest and in time you will have everything that you desire!
About the Author: Christina Rowe is the author of the new book Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know . Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce.For your free Secrets of Divorce newsletter go to http://www.divorcesurvivalskills.com Source: www.isnare.com Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=91006&ca=Womens+Interest
Published by
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June 16, 2008
There are so many challenges that come along with being a single parent, but one of the most difficult, is truly enjoying time with your children when there are so many other areas of chaos around you. Yet, while it is one of the most difficult, it is also one of the most important areas to focus on for you and your children.
Studies have shown that divorce is not a traumatic event for children to live through, but that the aftermath, what you do once the divorce has occurred, is truly what impacts our children most. And if your accomplishments lie on the fact that you are surviving each day and getting each child safely into bed at night, you may begin to pat your back…but just a little. It is a good start, but it only touches on the surface of what creates a well-adjusted child of divorce.
The real challenge is being able to table all of the other challenging areas for the moment, long enough to really engage with your children. It’s about learning to focus on this moment, as if it is truly the one moment you have. Focus on each detail around you as if it will never again be this way, as if it is the golden moment.
But how? As single parents, we are faced with new careers, bills we are unfamiliar with, challenges that seem overwhelming, household chores and even finding a new circle of friends, so how do you find time to just enjoy your children? First of all, take a deep breath and a quiet space to clear your mind.
Tips to truly appreciating the moment with your child:
- Announce that you are going to stop everything else (no laundry, cleaning, phones, computers, etc.)
- Ask your child what he/she would like to do that would be fun (If you have a time restraint, make reasonable, but fun suggestions: play cards, get ice cream, play a board game).
- Be honest. Explain that you have been overwhelmed with your stuff, but really want to put that aside for right now. And then do it. Put the rest of your life on hold. It will still be waiting for you when you are ready.
- Look at your children as if seeing them for the first time. Notice your child’s’ eyes, how his/her face has changed, how tall they have gotten in the past few months.
- Start with a hug, with the intention of creating a connection that has been overlooked. No matter how old we get, we could always use a hug. Embrace how they feel in your arms, as you try to recall the first day you ever held your child.
- Acknowledge how patient they have been while you have been under duress. Surely they have also been waiting for you to have time to spend with them, and have been under stress themselves.
Now you are ready to truly enjoy what has been missing. Unconditional love.
You may be surprised to see that while you are enjoying whatever moment you’ve created together, the stress of other areas in your life will settle comfortably into a side pocket. Keep it there as long as you can and hold onto how it feels to have it there. Acknowledge aloud to your child how much you appreciate them and how much you have missed being in the moment with them.
And finally, take another deep breathe before leaving the moment and remember that at anytime, your child will gladly have you back and your “stuff” will surely be willing to wait for you. Remember that while the other stuff will wait, though, each moment your child has without you, will be missed. They will be waiting for you as well, but they will have grown, their needs will be different and you will have missed whatever it is that occurred.
Enjoy the moment. It is the only one you’ve got.
About the Author: Lesley Geller is a Business Coach. She helps successful professionals exceed their expectations of growth. She works with small business owners, as well as individuals in large corporations looking to reach the next level. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland is certified as a Coach through the Coach Training Alliance, which is recognized by the International Coach Federation. She is also a Freelance Writer and co-author of: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. For more information about how to reach the potential you’re capable of, visit her website at http://www.LesleyGeller.com or e-mail her at Lesley@LesleyGeller.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lesley_Geller http://EzineArticles.com/?Single-Parenting-With-a-Smile&id=687964
